I've been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Papillary something or other. If you're going to get cancer, it's the kind to have - treatment is highly successful, etc.
I don't feel much like posting anything. Sorry
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
My Review
Nice
By jay pee from Boise, ID on 4/30/2010
Gift: NoPros: Comfortable, Good coverage, Cute
What a comfortable piece of clothing to run in. No binding, chafing, pinching, squeezing or cutting. Several times I have run in extreme wind, yet the skirt stayed down and covered "the bits" the whole time.
Due to the waist size it sits low, which is comfortable but makes it a bit too long and loose on the leg. I fold the waist down and pull the whole shootin' match up, which tightens and shortens the skirt, and I have no problems. I do wish it didn't run big though. I am rectangular in shape with just a tiny bit of curve. Maybe someone with curvier hips would do better with it. I still love it though.
Due to the waist size it sits low, which is comfortable but makes it a bit too long and loose on the leg. I fold the waist down and pull the whole shootin' match up, which tightens and shortens the skirt, and I have no problems. I do wish it didn't run big though. I am rectangular in shape with just a tiny bit of curve. Maybe someone with curvier hips would do better with it. I still love it though.
(legalese)
EDIT: I may have led the public astray - is this skirt or my other the "too big" skirt? Yikes...
Bibles & Buttons
Another successful non-snoozer morning!
It was more difficult to get up today. I was late getting to bed last night, as p.j. and I had classes in town until late. I tried a few visualizations of the morning get up routine, but it was so hard to stay focused! This morning, rather than jumping out of bed, I flailed in bed until I could get upright on the floor. Then I went to the bathroom and turned on the light before turning off the alarm. I did this because I was struggling my way out of sleep and wanted to be sure to have the light on before turning the alarm off. That's great and all, but it proves that I am still functioning by reason of my conscious (please use the term "reason" loosely here), rather than following conditioning of my subconscience. That means my sleepy consciousness could turn and betray me in a moment, though so far it hasn't. I think I need to amp up the visualizations to get the routine pounded into my subconscience, where it's supposed to be.
I ran into another related problem. I am not conditioned to jump, unquestioningly, into my running clothes. I looked at the clothes, and although it was decided I should stay up, I was not convinced I should get into my running clothes. I looked at the clothes some more; I didn't see clothes, I saw cold morning air and effort. So I didn't; I made some tea, grabbed my Bible and notebook, and spent time with my Savior. I prayed, read from My Utmost For His Highest (amazing devotional), and read from Acts chapter 3 and studied verse by verse. Acts is so appropriate for my life right now (well, when would it not be? but I mean particularly so right now), as I am stepping out in ministry. It was awesome time.
This brings me back to my original trouble with scheduling running as a priority over scheduling time with God, but hopefully poses a solution as well. I want to put nothing over God in my life. As I have practiced intentional living (as evidenced in this blog) and tried to be sensitive to God's direction, I have come to a point where running seems to be established in my life (to an extent) and there is a good space to use for exclusive devotion to God; this devotion has always been immediately essential, but has also been all but impossible to live out. I plan to use my morning time every other day for devotions and the other days for running. It isn't perfect, but it's a start. I hope it keeps me fresh and willing regarding both. As time goes by and I season in my devotions, I will likely look to increase my time to daily, but right now going from zero to every other day looks like a great improvement.
Tomorrow I have an early morning run, then a morning of yard sale-ing, craft shop & antique store browsing before lunch, all with the gals. All these things have been fully against my grain, and admittedly antiquing still sound awful, but I'm actually looking forward to seeing the pros in action at the yard sales. I'm curious. I have things I want to see at the craft stores - uck, yeah I said it - and I need yarn for my second knitting project. Or I'll stop knitting and do something else. These gals have a way of sucking a person in and turning them to the dark side (of crafting). It's simply because they are wonderful friends, and any activity involving them is good.
p.j. bought a Cannondale MTB, so I now have my Cannondale MTB back. I am excited to do a little cross training. I hope it doesn't kill me.
It was more difficult to get up today. I was late getting to bed last night, as p.j. and I had classes in town until late. I tried a few visualizations of the morning get up routine, but it was so hard to stay focused! This morning, rather than jumping out of bed, I flailed in bed until I could get upright on the floor. Then I went to the bathroom and turned on the light before turning off the alarm. I did this because I was struggling my way out of sleep and wanted to be sure to have the light on before turning the alarm off. That's great and all, but it proves that I am still functioning by reason of my conscious (please use the term "reason" loosely here), rather than following conditioning of my subconscience. That means my sleepy consciousness could turn and betray me in a moment, though so far it hasn't. I think I need to amp up the visualizations to get the routine pounded into my subconscience, where it's supposed to be.
I ran into another related problem. I am not conditioned to jump, unquestioningly, into my running clothes. I looked at the clothes, and although it was decided I should stay up, I was not convinced I should get into my running clothes. I looked at the clothes some more; I didn't see clothes, I saw cold morning air and effort. So I didn't; I made some tea, grabbed my Bible and notebook, and spent time with my Savior. I prayed, read from My Utmost For His Highest (amazing devotional), and read from Acts chapter 3 and studied verse by verse. Acts is so appropriate for my life right now (well, when would it not be? but I mean particularly so right now), as I am stepping out in ministry. It was awesome time.
This brings me back to my original trouble with scheduling running as a priority over scheduling time with God, but hopefully poses a solution as well. I want to put nothing over God in my life. As I have practiced intentional living (as evidenced in this blog) and tried to be sensitive to God's direction, I have come to a point where running seems to be established in my life (to an extent) and there is a good space to use for exclusive devotion to God; this devotion has always been immediately essential, but has also been all but impossible to live out. I plan to use my morning time every other day for devotions and the other days for running. It isn't perfect, but it's a start. I hope it keeps me fresh and willing regarding both. As time goes by and I season in my devotions, I will likely look to increase my time to daily, but right now going from zero to every other day looks like a great improvement.
Tomorrow I have an early morning run, then a morning of yard sale-ing, craft shop & antique store browsing before lunch, all with the gals. All these things have been fully against my grain, and admittedly antiquing still sound awful, but I'm actually looking forward to seeing the pros in action at the yard sales. I'm curious. I have things I want to see at the craft stores - uck, yeah I said it - and I need yarn for my second knitting project. Or I'll stop knitting and do something else. These gals have a way of sucking a person in and turning them to the dark side (of crafting). It's simply because they are wonderful friends, and any activity involving them is good.
p.j. bought a Cannondale MTB, so I now have my Cannondale MTB back. I am excited to do a little cross training. I hope it doesn't kill me.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
5:30 am Is My Friend
So far, so good!
Last night I ran through visualizations of the morning process, this time including getting into running clothes. I didn't visualize finishing the dressing process or getting out the door, because I'm far too easily distracted by shiny thoughts to keep my focus that long.
p.j.'s alarm - of the very same radio station as mine is set to - went off half hour earlier than mine. I jumped up, then got a bit confused. I was trying to use my conscious thoughts to figure out whether I was properly following my subconscious plans. Interesting. I was too paranoid about missing my alarm to just go back to bed (p.j. told me it was his alarm), but I didn't want to get off my schedule. I had to pee so badly that I had been dreaming about trying to find a place to pee (thank goodness I didn't find one), so I went to the bathroom with the lights off so as not to awaken myself too much. Then I worried that I would mess up my waking routine by not turning the light on. Yet I wasn't getting up just then, so...meanwhile, p.j. got up and hit snooze. Yikes, I didn't think about that. How am I to train myself not to snooze when I have to endure my husband's multi-snoozing?
My poor little frightened bean considered my options, then decided to go back to bed until my alarm went off. By the time it did go off, I had to check the time to be sure it really was my alarm. I jumped up, turned the alarm off, went into the bathroom, got a little confused, turned the light on, got dressed, took my vities, brushed my nasty mouth (I had forgotten to visualize the last two steps, but it worked out) and went out to join p.j., chipper and alive.
p.j.'s schedule happened to facilitate a cross town drop off, so we headed out together in the Jeep. The sky was a deep blue with dark clouds; it was totally dark the last time I had run so early. I kissed him goodbye then took off, full of energy. The route just happened to be a 5k, and I ran a sub 10 minute mile average, which is new for me. Tell me I wasn't excited! 9'46" average mile. Slow stuff for folks, but I'm new here.
As for the rest of the day, I'm tired!
Last night I ran through visualizations of the morning process, this time including getting into running clothes. I didn't visualize finishing the dressing process or getting out the door, because I'm far too easily distracted by shiny thoughts to keep my focus that long.
p.j.'s alarm - of the very same radio station as mine is set to - went off half hour earlier than mine. I jumped up, then got a bit confused. I was trying to use my conscious thoughts to figure out whether I was properly following my subconscious plans. Interesting. I was too paranoid about missing my alarm to just go back to bed (p.j. told me it was his alarm), but I didn't want to get off my schedule. I had to pee so badly that I had been dreaming about trying to find a place to pee (thank goodness I didn't find one), so I went to the bathroom with the lights off so as not to awaken myself too much. Then I worried that I would mess up my waking routine by not turning the light on. Yet I wasn't getting up just then, so...meanwhile, p.j. got up and hit snooze. Yikes, I didn't think about that. How am I to train myself not to snooze when I have to endure my husband's multi-snoozing?
My poor little frightened bean considered my options, then decided to go back to bed until my alarm went off. By the time it did go off, I had to check the time to be sure it really was my alarm. I jumped up, turned the alarm off, went into the bathroom, got a little confused, turned the light on, got dressed, took my vities, brushed my nasty mouth (I had forgotten to visualize the last two steps, but it worked out) and went out to join p.j., chipper and alive.
p.j.'s schedule happened to facilitate a cross town drop off, so we headed out together in the Jeep. The sky was a deep blue with dark clouds; it was totally dark the last time I had run so early. I kissed him goodbye then took off, full of energy. The route just happened to be a 5k, and I ran a sub 10 minute mile average, which is new for me. Tell me I wasn't excited! 9'46" average mile. Slow stuff for folks, but I'm new here.
As for the rest of the day, I'm tired!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Reprogramming the Bean
How did I get so busy? It's a good busy though; my time is sacrificed at the expense of slothery (that's a word now).
It does cause a problem, though, in my "Taking Care of j.p." spiritual and physical routines. I have no regularly schedulable (this one is a word now too) time until 10pm, and that time slot isn't actually free either, as I have a daily 10pm appointment with bed. This brings me back, full circle, to the inescapable need to utilize the early morning hours and facing the dread bed addiction.
This 10pm bed appointment would ideally end at 5:30am - 7.5 hr appointment with 5 full sleep cycles. The ideal isn't realized because that bed appointment is awesome, so I extend it to take up the next time slot.
I've previously discussed my horribly convincing half-asleep logic, and that its persuasion always leads to more awesome bed time. The results are: Oversleep, multiple mid sleep cycle reawakenings, addiction to the snooze bar, wasted time, and a terrible morning rush to get ready for the day. Hey, that's more horrible than I thought!
Day before yesterday I started visualizing, hoping to create a new neural pathway regarding the alarm (and abandoning the old one) so my sleepy body will learn to automatically follow the new pathway. I don't know if this is really 'a thing' or not, but it makes sense to me. I visualized the alarm going off and me jumping out of bed to turn it off, going into the bathroom, turning on the light and doing the morning stretch (makes my head light and my blood feel speedy).
Yesterday morning I awoke and did just that. I stand amazed. I don't think there's been time to completely turn this thing around yet, as I did contemplate my options (bed) before remembering to mindlessly follow the new neural pathway to the well-lit bathroom. This morning I did the same, and the same resulted. The lack of change is likely due to my visualization yesterday being sketchy. One thing I've noticed, though, is that I didn't look at the time until after I finished the things I had visualized. I always look at the clock, but not now. IIIIIIIInteresting.
This is pretty exciting, but I'm lacking something: A plan of what to do with my time after awakening. The alarm was set for 6:30am (I know, I know, but any alarm setting is game for snooze!). Yesterday I made sure I was wide awake, then got back into the bed with my book club book and stayed committed to staying awake. This morning, however, I got into the shower right away so as not to toy with the lure of the pillow.
Tonight I plan to set the alarm for 5:30am and plug in my iPod. Before bed, I will visualize getting up, turning the alarm off, going to the bathroom, turning the light on, doing the morning stretch, then jumping into my running gear. I guess I should add the visualizations of loosening my joints and getting out the door too, or who knows what might happen after I'm in my running clothes!
Ooooh, I'm pretty excited!
It does cause a problem, though, in my "Taking Care of j.p." spiritual and physical routines. I have no regularly schedulable (this one is a word now too) time until 10pm, and that time slot isn't actually free either, as I have a daily 10pm appointment with bed. This brings me back, full circle, to the inescapable need to utilize the early morning hours and facing the dread bed addiction.
This 10pm bed appointment would ideally end at 5:30am - 7.5 hr appointment with 5 full sleep cycles. The ideal isn't realized because that bed appointment is awesome, so I extend it to take up the next time slot.
I've previously discussed my horribly convincing half-asleep logic, and that its persuasion always leads to more awesome bed time. The results are: Oversleep, multiple mid sleep cycle reawakenings, addiction to the snooze bar, wasted time, and a terrible morning rush to get ready for the day. Hey, that's more horrible than I thought!
Day before yesterday I started visualizing, hoping to create a new neural pathway regarding the alarm (and abandoning the old one) so my sleepy body will learn to automatically follow the new pathway. I don't know if this is really 'a thing' or not, but it makes sense to me. I visualized the alarm going off and me jumping out of bed to turn it off, going into the bathroom, turning on the light and doing the morning stretch (makes my head light and my blood feel speedy).
Yesterday morning I awoke and did just that. I stand amazed. I don't think there's been time to completely turn this thing around yet, as I did contemplate my options (bed) before remembering to mindlessly follow the new neural pathway to the well-lit bathroom. This morning I did the same, and the same resulted. The lack of change is likely due to my visualization yesterday being sketchy. One thing I've noticed, though, is that I didn't look at the time until after I finished the things I had visualized. I always look at the clock, but not now. IIIIIIIInteresting.
This is pretty exciting, but I'm lacking something: A plan of what to do with my time after awakening. The alarm was set for 6:30am (I know, I know, but any alarm setting is game for snooze!). Yesterday I made sure I was wide awake, then got back into the bed with my book club book and stayed committed to staying awake. This morning, however, I got into the shower right away so as not to toy with the lure of the pillow.
Tonight I plan to set the alarm for 5:30am and plug in my iPod. Before bed, I will visualize getting up, turning the alarm off, going to the bathroom, turning the light on, doing the morning stretch, then jumping into my running gear. I guess I should add the visualizations of loosening my joints and getting out the door too, or who knows what might happen after I'm in my running clothes!
Ooooh, I'm pretty excited!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Mind Games
I was starting to contemplate the possibility of p.j. never showing up to get me. "What if he couldn't get the tires on the Jeep?" "What if he's been in an accident?" "What if I was on the wrong road?" "What if...no, he'll show up." "I wanted to get in my full half hour run anyway, so this is good...I told him I wanted at least a half hour..."
Finally, far off in the distance, I could see something that resembled the Jeep enough for me to peg my hopes on it. I had paced my run faster than normal, just because of the possibility p.j. would probably show up before I had my half hour in, so I wanted my run time to count. It was the Jeep, oh mercy in heaven! But I was actually only at 36 minutes and I felt pretty great, so what's the big trauma?
Enter mind games. The plan was: I run straight out into the countryside on a specified road and p.j. would leave the shop 'soon' and come home via that specified road, picking me up and giving me a ride home. However, I had no idea how long before he would actually meet me for the pick up.
Before the half hour had passed, I worried that he would arrive before I had a good run in. I worried that I wasn't going fast enough to make it count. I was worried that I was going too fast to be able to keep going for an unknown amount of time. After the 30 minutes had passed, I was worried that he wouldn't arrive soon enough. I was worried that I was running too fast for too long. I was worried that slowing down would ruin my overall pace and train me to slow down as a run progresses. I was worried that he wouldn't show up. I was worried that I would have to end my run and walk, in a running skirt, down a lonely country road - vulnerable.
It took me about 33 of those 36 minutes to figure out that I was in my first set of real running mind games. As much as I was exercising my body, I was exercising my mind, expanding my will. Alright. Good. Okay. I just wished I would have thought of that earlier.
Yesterday's goal planning and realization was successful:
I also shot p.j., dirty from the shop, starting up the mower. By now you probably don't need proof, but I want to show anyway:
Finally, far off in the distance, I could see something that resembled the Jeep enough for me to peg my hopes on it. I had paced my run faster than normal, just because of the possibility p.j. would probably show up before I had my half hour in, so I wanted my run time to count. It was the Jeep, oh mercy in heaven! But I was actually only at 36 minutes and I felt pretty great, so what's the big trauma?
Enter mind games. The plan was: I run straight out into the countryside on a specified road and p.j. would leave the shop 'soon' and come home via that specified road, picking me up and giving me a ride home. However, I had no idea how long before he would actually meet me for the pick up.
Before the half hour had passed, I worried that he would arrive before I had a good run in. I worried that I wasn't going fast enough to make it count. I was worried that I was going too fast to be able to keep going for an unknown amount of time. After the 30 minutes had passed, I was worried that he wouldn't arrive soon enough. I was worried that I was running too fast for too long. I was worried that slowing down would ruin my overall pace and train me to slow down as a run progresses. I was worried that he wouldn't show up. I was worried that I would have to end my run and walk, in a running skirt, down a lonely country road - vulnerable.
It took me about 33 of those 36 minutes to figure out that I was in my first set of real running mind games. As much as I was exercising my body, I was exercising my mind, expanding my will. Alright. Good. Okay. I just wished I would have thought of that earlier.
Yesterday's goal planning and realization was successful:
- Goal: Use the camera. For taking pictures.
Yes, that is our dandelion infestation.
I also shot p.j., dirty from the shop, starting up the mower. By now you probably don't need proof, but I want to show anyway:
Start 'er up, p.j.!
So happy to be mowing. Er...
- Goal: Run solo at every chance. Even if it's just a mile or two.
- Goal: Set up time to daily seek the face of God.
- Goal: Get back on track with 3 quarts a day.
I also watched Austin finish off Modern Warfare II last night, though it was very late. He actually invited us up to the ghetto room for it. Coo. :)
One more, since I'm on a roll (and a bit narcissistic). Taken in my office abouuuut...20 minutes ago:
Don't mind the cord/cord cover, just look at how the clothes match the tattoo. Sweet shoes, too.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Get 'Er Back On Track!
So my head feels great, as do my eyes, ears and stomach. Ahhh, how one appreciates one's full faculties after...them not being full. The 3 day migraine is over, and I am fully functioning, once again. Blood sugar roller coaster, dehydration and forgotten vitamins, topped off with an Alaskan Amber to get it rolling. Good times.
I have progressed to carrying my camera around in my bag, but I can't seem to take it out and use it. Baby steps, yeah.
I now have a date tonight with my running shoes at 5:00 pm. I don't care how far I run, just so long as I run.
I also have a date tonight with God at 7:00 pm for convo and Bible study. I am sooo hungry for this.
I am just finishing up quart #1 and am headed out for quart #2 (and a pee break).
I have a third date, which isn't attached to a goal (but perhaps should be) later tonight with a.h. & p.j., just because I had forgotten how delightful it is to spend time with a.h. He is way too into his 360, and he is amazingly fun to watch as he tromps around the world killing people: Modern Warfare, Modern Warfare II, and Idontremembertheothernames. The graphics are excellent, the action nonstop (and very bloody), there's no gratuitous sex or idiotic Hollywood plots, the hero will go wherever you request, and it can end whenever you want - it's the perfect movie!
AND, I am getting really close to having a hair appointment! I don't think my self hacks are quite cutting it. Oh! Cutting it, ha!
I have progressed to carrying my camera around in my bag, but I can't seem to take it out and use it. Baby steps, yeah.
- Goal: Use the camera. For taking pictures.
- Goal: Run solo at every chance. Even if it's just a mile or two.
- Goal: Set up time to daily seek the face of God.
- Goal: Get back on track with 3 quarts a day.
I now have a date tonight with my running shoes at 5:00 pm. I don't care how far I run, just so long as I run.
I also have a date tonight with God at 7:00 pm for convo and Bible study. I am sooo hungry for this.
I am just finishing up quart #1 and am headed out for quart #2 (and a pee break).
I have a third date, which isn't attached to a goal (but perhaps should be) later tonight with a.h. & p.j., just because I had forgotten how delightful it is to spend time with a.h. He is way too into his 360, and he is amazingly fun to watch as he tromps around the world killing people: Modern Warfare, Modern Warfare II, and Idontremembertheothernames. The graphics are excellent, the action nonstop (and very bloody), there's no gratuitous sex or idiotic Hollywood plots, the hero will go wherever you request, and it can end whenever you want - it's the perfect movie!
AND, I am getting really close to having a hair appointment! I don't think my self hacks are quite cutting it. Oh! Cutting it, ha!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Happy Birthday to p.j.!
r.p. is back in commission! After she'd suffered through a week of that same yucky sickness I had a while back (a cold + insatiable need for snooze), r.p. was up to a morning run. We were very slow, but it was to be expected. For some reason it was hard for me too, even though I ran much further and faster during my solo runs while she was down. Its was likely due to lack of continuity. Anyway, I'm thankful for getting back at it.
Tomorrow is p.j.'s birthday. The big 39! He is starting off by meeting a friend for some mountain biking. He has been biking faithfully for almost a week now; I know it makes him feel excellent to be doing so, and I am very happy for him. I will be up before him, running with r.p., then I will get ready for the day and go to a new book club my bossy big sister (b.b.s)(not blood-related) is starting. We'll be reading The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis, but tomorrow is just the meet and greet. Afterward, b.b.s. and I will do a little window shopping (shoes!) until p.j. is home from his ride and ready for the next thing. I'm not sure what the next thing is, but eventually his dad will be taking us to dinner. Ah, and his mom is taking us to dinner tonight. Free food and great company; I will heartily celebrate p.j.'s birthday! Meanwhile, a.h. will be coming back tonight to spend another week with us, which is perfect timing for his involvement in the birthday festivities.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Tomorrow is p.j.'s birthday. The big 39! He is starting off by meeting a friend for some mountain biking. He has been biking faithfully for almost a week now; I know it makes him feel excellent to be doing so, and I am very happy for him. I will be up before him, running with r.p., then I will get ready for the day and go to a new book club my bossy big sister (b.b.s)(not blood-related) is starting. We'll be reading The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis, but tomorrow is just the meet and greet. Afterward, b.b.s. and I will do a little window shopping (shoes!) until p.j. is home from his ride and ready for the next thing. I'm not sure what the next thing is, but eventually his dad will be taking us to dinner. Ah, and his mom is taking us to dinner tonight. Free food and great company; I will heartily celebrate p.j.'s birthday! Meanwhile, a.h. will be coming back tonight to spend another week with us, which is perfect timing for his involvement in the birthday festivities.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Hey Look, It's a Picture! (What a GREAT Picture)
p.j. borrowed my bike and took a ride today. He had a goal distance which included a gnarly hill. He made it. I am terribly proud of him.
I have a running date set up with r.p. for the ridiculous hours of the morning tomorrow. Meanwhile, I ran solo again this late afternoon, as r.p. was under the weather this morning.
Again, my new Nike+ set up worked without a hitch. I actually have photo evidence. I've been meaning to implement pictures into the blog, but...well...no plan, right? Anyway, with no further ado:
I have a running date set up with r.p. for the ridiculous hours of the morning tomorrow. Meanwhile, I ran solo again this late afternoon, as r.p. was under the weather this morning.
Again, my new Nike+ set up worked without a hitch. I actually have photo evidence. I've been meaning to implement pictures into the blog, but...well...no plan, right? Anyway, with no further ado:
I should patent it, no?
It looks pretty slippery and rather insecure, and it is when handled with the mitts. But once strapped in, this baby doesn't budge and there's nothing between it and the iPod, except maybe part of my bicep. You can't see how the ends are strapped in, but I have tucked both ends under the laces. The end closer to the toe tucks under the lower laces, then is wrapped over the bottom lace and back under up toward the ankle. The end closer to the ankle is simply pinned under all of the upper laces. I am amazed at how well this works (so far). Lets not forget to notice that it's now waterproofed as well.
I ran 45 minutes again, again covering 4.3 miles. I had a painful side cramp the entire time and my lungs labored. I kept the cramp under control with intentional and deep breathing and pleas to God to keep me going (okay, requests, not desperate enough for pleas). The uphill portion, which is all of mile 2, brought a headwind against me, ugh. It was much harder than Friday late afternoon's 45 minutes and ever so slightly slower overall. For the last mile and a half or so, I felt much better and actually got to the "body is a machine" stage. Whew, finally. I realized I am finally in decent enough shape to "push it" without it resulting in physical catastrophe (a ride on Life Flight). I realized I was pushing it, and that I had the choice to shift 'er way down or to continue pushing it. That realization and the resulting sense of power made my choice easy: Push it. For the last quarter mile, I figured I should push it even more. I didn't sprint or go all out, but I picked up a chipper pace and took it home home.
Lance Armstrong introduced himself at the end and congratulated me on my best 1 mile time. What a guy. I had a sub 10 minute mile, which is nothing for most, but is enough to make me proud. I have a secret goal (again, not so secret now) to run my first 5k race in sub 30 minutes. Komen Race for the Cure is next month...
Essential Running Gear (Plastic Baggie)
I like to check out new blogs periodically, though I don't have much time for it (but hey, it's fun! good enough reason?). Today I found Shut Up and Run, which is sharp, funny and kinda vulgar...oh so worth the read! Beth is running a contest, and I believe today is the last day to get in on it, so get in on it!
r.p. and I had a great run Thursday morning. Regarding Nike+ manipulations, I went with the cheapest and easiest solution and it worked like a charm. I usually put the Nike+ sensor beneath the lower part of the tongue of my shoe, strapped in my the laces. Although this wasn't a problem in the past, I considered the possibility that 1) a weakening battery might not be able to push the signal through the thick fabric of the tongue (sounds pretty ridiculous, but...?), or 2) maybe I'm lacing tighter and my sock or foot flesh is pushing the sleep button on the bottom of the sensor (also sounds silly, but definitely more likely). Hmm. So I put the sensor in the middle of the bottom of a plastic baggie and rolled the baggie up, from the top toward the sensor. Slick little devil. Then I put the excess tabs of baggie plastic under the lower and upper shoelaces and laced as usual. I meant to pin them in, but forgot. However, two runs did nothing to dislodge the sensor, and it stayed in place, fully revealed. Yeah, now I'm a swooshed Nike ad, if anyone cares to look.
As a safeguard, I wore one earbud, music turned off, so I could converse with r.p. and simultaneously hear if Nike+ had the ole disconnect (she tells me, "you're not running, sucka!" when I surely am running.). But not now: Ah, credit for two full runs! It will take a while to gain that trust again, but Nike+ seems serious about rebuilding our relationship.
Friday's run was sans r.p. I was a little apprehensive, as my runs with r.p. are always so enjoyable and the same hasn't so far been said for my solo runs. So I turned on the music - not too proud to admit I'm not a purist - and took off on sunny Friday late afternoon. I decided to go past the usual 30 minute run, since I had no schedule pincher to cut me short, so I went 4.3 miles in 45 minutes. I felt like I could go forever, but didn't want to wreck things by overusing an under-hardened body. My average pace was faster than it has been, even though I went further. I could feel that I was running faster than with r.p. (she only started running when we partnered up), but it really did feel freeing to just go. A little like flying.
p.j. and I went on a date afterward (yes, I did get cleaned up first) to our local Mexican fare, which is simply excellent. We ate much. We drank much (for us anyway - margarita sour on the rocks, por favor!). Then we went home and our romantic evening quickly turned to snooze. Yeah, we're livin' on the edge.
The rest of the weekend consisted of catching up on a very long to-do list. I didn't run, although I had been looking forward to running. Lack of a plan! Dag nabit. So tonight I have planned a run, and have j.p.'s support, since I won't have much wiggle room in the sched. Get home from work, get changed, hit the road, stretch, shower, get presentable, hit our core group. Totally doable, but no lollygagging allowed. And I am such a lollygagger.
Rain, rain, go away! I want a sunny run today!
r.p. and I had a great run Thursday morning. Regarding Nike+ manipulations, I went with the cheapest and easiest solution and it worked like a charm. I usually put the Nike+ sensor beneath the lower part of the tongue of my shoe, strapped in my the laces. Although this wasn't a problem in the past, I considered the possibility that 1) a weakening battery might not be able to push the signal through the thick fabric of the tongue (sounds pretty ridiculous, but...?), or 2) maybe I'm lacing tighter and my sock or foot flesh is pushing the sleep button on the bottom of the sensor (also sounds silly, but definitely more likely). Hmm. So I put the sensor in the middle of the bottom of a plastic baggie and rolled the baggie up, from the top toward the sensor. Slick little devil. Then I put the excess tabs of baggie plastic under the lower and upper shoelaces and laced as usual. I meant to pin them in, but forgot. However, two runs did nothing to dislodge the sensor, and it stayed in place, fully revealed. Yeah, now I'm a swooshed Nike ad, if anyone cares to look.
As a safeguard, I wore one earbud, music turned off, so I could converse with r.p. and simultaneously hear if Nike+ had the ole disconnect (she tells me, "you're not running, sucka!" when I surely am running.). But not now: Ah, credit for two full runs! It will take a while to gain that trust again, but Nike+ seems serious about rebuilding our relationship.
Friday's run was sans r.p. I was a little apprehensive, as my runs with r.p. are always so enjoyable and the same hasn't so far been said for my solo runs. So I turned on the music - not too proud to admit I'm not a purist - and took off on sunny Friday late afternoon. I decided to go past the usual 30 minute run, since I had no schedule pincher to cut me short, so I went 4.3 miles in 45 minutes. I felt like I could go forever, but didn't want to wreck things by overusing an under-hardened body. My average pace was faster than it has been, even though I went further. I could feel that I was running faster than with r.p. (she only started running when we partnered up), but it really did feel freeing to just go. A little like flying.
p.j. and I went on a date afterward (yes, I did get cleaned up first) to our local Mexican fare, which is simply excellent. We ate much. We drank much (for us anyway - margarita sour on the rocks, por favor!). Then we went home and our romantic evening quickly turned to snooze. Yeah, we're livin' on the edge.
The rest of the weekend consisted of catching up on a very long to-do list. I didn't run, although I had been looking forward to running. Lack of a plan! Dag nabit. So tonight I have planned a run, and have j.p.'s support, since I won't have much wiggle room in the sched. Get home from work, get changed, hit the road, stretch, shower, get presentable, hit our core group. Totally doable, but no lollygagging allowed. And I am such a lollygagger.
Rain, rain, go away! I want a sunny run today!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Detective Work and More Nike + Woes
"Tap tap tap tap." It's 3:30 a.m., why is someone tapping on our bedroom window? Since I assume a burglar or murderer wouldn't announce his/her presence before breaking and entering, I'm not too alarmed. I do, however, call out, "p.j., someone is knocking on the window!" p.j. is still snoring, so it looks like I will have to be the brave knight (or the stupid horror movie chick). I pull the blind aside and scan the very dark back yard. Nothing. Wait a minute, we always leave the porch light on, so why is the back yard so dark? This will take further investigation, although I already suspect a.h.'s friends are beckoning him to sneak out, but are mistaken about the correct bedroom window.
I quietly leave the bedroom, pause to listen for the would-be escapee, hear nothing, and tiptoe down the hallway in my underwear. I peek around the corner to look out the back patio door without being seen (do other people close their privacy curtains?). Curses, someone has left the over-the-stove light on! I can see nothing out the window.
I consider for a while, then make a mad panty dash past the patio door for the light. I quickly turn it off, then dash to the window before the poor kiddos have time to recover from the streaking. Peering out, I see nobody moving. I run to the front to be sure they haven't gone around. Nobody there. Back to the back door. It's time to expose the culprits, so I flick the back porch light on. Still nothing! I watch intently for the slightest movement, but they are so still that I can see nothing. There are spots of deep shadow they could be hiding in, or they could simply be around the sides of the house.
After considering poking around out in the yard in my underwear, I reject the idea and simply stand watch for about 5 minutes, sure they will come out and reveal themselves. Still no sound from a.h. upstairs and the doors are locked, so I assume he either hasn't awoken or is still hiding upstairs. The buggers stand still so I finally give up and go back to bed.
A while later I hear it again! Again I say, "p.j.! They're tapping at the window!" He rolls over and says, "Noooo, I'm kicking the wall." Right back to sleep.
Seriously.
Despite my rude nocturnal awakenings, I was up again at 5:00 a.m. to be at my r.p. running spot by 5:30. I sort of feel like a rock star. We had another good run, but Nike + felt it was time to hose me again, so it recorded less than half of the run. Lovely. I'm pretty mad at it today, because r.p. and I ran the farther than previously. I guess we don't know how far though, since Nike +...ok, grumble grumble!
I'm wondering if the sleep button on the sensor is somehow getting pushed inside my shoe. I have a new method planned for our next run. Well, it's narrowed down to a few methods based on a little research. I will have to remember to keep looking at the time progress as we run (which I HATE doing) to be sure it still agrees with me that I am running, as it doesn't warn that it has stopped until two minutes after it has stopped. That means for each stoppage, there's two minutes of time and distance not recorded - that is, if you are using headphones and happen to hear the warning. This morning I didn't hear it either time, so I lost a bunch more time and distance before noticing it had stopped. Real bummer.
I'll let you know how the new method works, or if I lose my sense (-e +or) altogether.
I quietly leave the bedroom, pause to listen for the would-be escapee, hear nothing, and tiptoe down the hallway in my underwear. I peek around the corner to look out the back patio door without being seen (do other people close their privacy curtains?). Curses, someone has left the over-the-stove light on! I can see nothing out the window.
I consider for a while, then make a mad panty dash past the patio door for the light. I quickly turn it off, then dash to the window before the poor kiddos have time to recover from the streaking. Peering out, I see nobody moving. I run to the front to be sure they haven't gone around. Nobody there. Back to the back door. It's time to expose the culprits, so I flick the back porch light on. Still nothing! I watch intently for the slightest movement, but they are so still that I can see nothing. There are spots of deep shadow they could be hiding in, or they could simply be around the sides of the house.
After considering poking around out in the yard in my underwear, I reject the idea and simply stand watch for about 5 minutes, sure they will come out and reveal themselves. Still no sound from a.h. upstairs and the doors are locked, so I assume he either hasn't awoken or is still hiding upstairs. The buggers stand still so I finally give up and go back to bed.
A while later I hear it again! Again I say, "p.j.! They're tapping at the window!" He rolls over and says, "Noooo, I'm kicking the wall." Right back to sleep.
Seriously.
Despite my rude nocturnal awakenings, I was up again at 5:00 a.m. to be at my r.p. running spot by 5:30. I sort of feel like a rock star. We had another good run, but Nike + felt it was time to hose me again, so it recorded less than half of the run. Lovely. I'm pretty mad at it today, because r.p. and I ran the farther than previously. I guess we don't know how far though, since Nike +...ok, grumble grumble!
I'm wondering if the sleep button on the sensor is somehow getting pushed inside my shoe. I have a new method planned for our next run. Well, it's narrowed down to a few methods based on a little research. I will have to remember to keep looking at the time progress as we run (which I HATE doing) to be sure it still agrees with me that I am running, as it doesn't warn that it has stopped until two minutes after it has stopped. That means for each stoppage, there's two minutes of time and distance not recorded - that is, if you are using headphones and happen to hear the warning. This morning I didn't hear it either time, so I lost a bunch more time and distance before noticing it had stopped. Real bummer.
I'll let you know how the new method works, or if I lose my sense (-e +or) altogether.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
r.p. and L&R
Ahhh, the life of a person with a running partner!
We have had three great runs so far, although Nike+ didn't give us credit for the first one (forgot to hit "Done" or something; I don't even hate Nike+ for this, due to extreme gratitude for my running partner). We have run a little over a half hour each time, and it has just...flowed.
We meet in a well-lit and large subdivision which is between both of our houses, but far enough that we have to drive. Unexpectedly, the drive there and home has been very pleasurable and of some use. When the alarm goes off, my mind tells me I need to get out of bed "to go meet r.p.", not "to go run". I get dressed, get in the car, turn on the heat and the radio, and take off for a drive instead of taking off for a run. So far, pretty easy! When I get there, I see r.p.'s shining face and am happy to be with her. We get our warm gear on, start up the conversation, turn on fickle Nike+ and take off running together. So far, oh so nice and easy. The conversation makes the time just fly, as well as hides the difficulty, and I find myself wishing we had more time. We finish up, stretch out, say goodbye and then I take a nice drive back home. Wow, so easy, and I want to repeat it all soon! r.p. has expressed the same sentiment, and is so excited to be out running!
Oh hey, we just now made another arrangement for tomorrow morning. I'm excited!
Tonight p.j. and I start facilitating a small group in the Love & Respect class at church. It's a married people's thing. We went through it last year and found it to be absolutely essential to our marriage and caused us to be totally changed in ourselves and our marriage - for the better. Immensely better. Life sure did take a turn, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
We have had three great runs so far, although Nike+ didn't give us credit for the first one (forgot to hit "Done" or something; I don't even hate Nike+ for this, due to extreme gratitude for my running partner). We have run a little over a half hour each time, and it has just...flowed.
We meet in a well-lit and large subdivision which is between both of our houses, but far enough that we have to drive. Unexpectedly, the drive there and home has been very pleasurable and of some use. When the alarm goes off, my mind tells me I need to get out of bed "to go meet r.p.", not "to go run". I get dressed, get in the car, turn on the heat and the radio, and take off for a drive instead of taking off for a run. So far, pretty easy! When I get there, I see r.p.'s shining face and am happy to be with her. We get our warm gear on, start up the conversation, turn on fickle Nike+ and take off running together. So far, oh so nice and easy. The conversation makes the time just fly, as well as hides the difficulty, and I find myself wishing we had more time. We finish up, stretch out, say goodbye and then I take a nice drive back home. Wow, so easy, and I want to repeat it all soon! r.p. has expressed the same sentiment, and is so excited to be out running!
Oh hey, we just now made another arrangement for tomorrow morning. I'm excited!
Tonight p.j. and I start facilitating a small group in the Love & Respect class at church. It's a married people's thing. We went through it last year and found it to be absolutely essential to our marriage and caused us to be totally changed in ourselves and our marriage - for the better. Immensely better. Life sure did take a turn, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Of Course You Would Do It This Way!
Yesterday I met my mentee. We had never emailed or talked on the phone before, and we knew virtually nothing about each other. I must confess, it was a bit awkward.
However, it was beautiful. She is warm, sharp, attentive, lovely, confident and gracious. Who is mentoring whom? I already knew I wasn't up to the task, but I go where God sends me, so He must know what He's doing (figure? ha!).
And can I say...I'll say it anyway. When I mentioned running, her hands fluttered up and she got a spark in her eye. She said she has been trying to get into a fitness habit, and has been praying to establish running or some such thing into her life but has been struggling. Seriously. I asked if she wanted to run together and she quickly replied, "Yes!" She runs similar distances and times as do I. We figured out that we can both run regularly in the early mornings, so it's a plan! She put her hands up to her mouth, grinned big, and said, "Running buddy!"
What was I lamenting just yesterday?
However, it was beautiful. She is warm, sharp, attentive, lovely, confident and gracious. Who is mentoring whom? I already knew I wasn't up to the task, but I go where God sends me, so He must know what He's doing (figure? ha!).
And can I say...I'll say it anyway. When I mentioned running, her hands fluttered up and she got a spark in her eye. She said she has been trying to get into a fitness habit, and has been praying to establish running or some such thing into her life but has been struggling. Seriously. I asked if she wanted to run together and she quickly replied, "Yes!" She runs similar distances and times as do I. We figured out that we can both run regularly in the early mornings, so it's a plan! She put her hands up to her mouth, grinned big, and said, "Running buddy!"
What was I lamenting just yesterday?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Partner
I have wanted a running partner for so long. Not so much for the companionship, although that's certainly a wonderful plus, but for accountability. I've had a couple of running partners in the past, and we got each other out there each day. We motivated each other. Leaned on each other. Pushed each other. I have been wanting that since long before I actually started running again.
I live in a small town on the edge of a very large town, so you'd think I could find a partner. None of my current friends are into running, though, or else they live too far away from me to be able to make it work regularly - I'm not looking for the once-a-week meeting, but I want that daily "let's go" partner. I thought it would work to find someone in the very large town, as I work in that very large town every weekday. However, I have afternoon/evening obligations 3 to 4 of the weekdays. No matter, I couldn't find a running partner in the very large town anyway. I still hold the hope, however, of finding a partner in my small town. Someone who will cause me to relish the challenge of getting up early each morning, or stepping out of laziness late every evening. Someone who likes to run the same kind of distances and is at about the same level. A female, because it's not worth it to me to appear as though "something might be going on" with a man other than my husband.
I'm starting to think this person doesn't exist. But I desperately want her to! I look forward to meeting her and to meeting with her for a daily run. Nope, I haven't given up.
I live in a small town on the edge of a very large town, so you'd think I could find a partner. None of my current friends are into running, though, or else they live too far away from me to be able to make it work regularly - I'm not looking for the once-a-week meeting, but I want that daily "let's go" partner. I thought it would work to find someone in the very large town, as I work in that very large town every weekday. However, I have afternoon/evening obligations 3 to 4 of the weekdays. No matter, I couldn't find a running partner in the very large town anyway. I still hold the hope, however, of finding a partner in my small town. Someone who will cause me to relish the challenge of getting up early each morning, or stepping out of laziness late every evening. Someone who likes to run the same kind of distances and is at about the same level. A female, because it's not worth it to me to appear as though "something might be going on" with a man other than my husband.
I'm starting to think this person doesn't exist. But I desperately want her to! I look forward to meeting her and to meeting with her for a daily run. Nope, I haven't given up.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sicko
Yes, that's me. I've been sick with some creeping crud that does a little in the way of sore throat, chest congestion and sinus ickies, but packs a big wallop in the fatigue area. Apparently it's the thing to have these days. I'm finally up and about, but now I have to get caught up on life. So I'll see ya soon, when there's something to report besides the backs of my eyelids!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Bitten By the Bug
Oy, I think I caught p.j.'s illness of last weekend. I swore I wouldn't get it, so maybe it's just something else. Either way, I feel pretty ick today.
Last night found me lying on the couch, thumping my Nike+ sensor on the couch in order to rack up some time. This cheat was justified by my iPod cheating me on my morning run. While p.j. was dropping me off, I noted that my iPod was dead. Oh. No biggie, I can still run. But I want credit for my run! I timed the run and clocked the mileage on the way to work, then duplicated it as best as possible with the cheat for my records. Let me tell you, it's not so easy to fool Nike+. It was hard work getting it to buy my faux run! This morning p.j. did another drop off, and this time I had a fully charged iPod, and Nike+ did its thing as I did mine. My lungs labored more than normal, for sure, but the rest felt great.
In the mornings, I have been bundling up the nekkid spots in order to avoid having that one miserable piece of flesh in agony. I am even warming my air. p.j.'s is loaning his windstopper/face warmer to me, which is keeping my nose from the intense ache of huffing on cold air. A fleece earwarmer headband and a fleece beanie both keep my ears and head nice and cozy. p.j. is also loaning me a fleece neck warmer. Fleece gloves, a flashlight and...other protection are the final touches. Did I mention all of these items are black, as were my pants? p.j. took a picture (while snickering), which I will try to post. The whole ninja effect was ruined when I donned my bright orange jacket. Oh, well I guess ninjas don't generally wear white running shoes either, eh?
Last night found me lying on the couch, thumping my Nike+ sensor on the couch in order to rack up some time. This cheat was justified by my iPod cheating me on my morning run. While p.j. was dropping me off, I noted that my iPod was dead. Oh. No biggie, I can still run. But I want credit for my run! I timed the run and clocked the mileage on the way to work, then duplicated it as best as possible with the cheat for my records. Let me tell you, it's not so easy to fool Nike+. It was hard work getting it to buy my faux run! This morning p.j. did another drop off, and this time I had a fully charged iPod, and Nike+ did its thing as I did mine. My lungs labored more than normal, for sure, but the rest felt great.
In the mornings, I have been bundling up the nekkid spots in order to avoid having that one miserable piece of flesh in agony. I am even warming my air. p.j.'s is loaning his windstopper/face warmer to me, which is keeping my nose from the intense ache of huffing on cold air. A fleece earwarmer headband and a fleece beanie both keep my ears and head nice and cozy. p.j. is also loaning me a fleece neck warmer. Fleece gloves, a flashlight and...other protection are the final touches. Did I mention all of these items are black, as were my pants? p.j. took a picture (while snickering), which I will try to post. The whole ninja effect was ruined when I donned my bright orange jacket. Oh, well I guess ninjas don't generally wear white running shoes either, eh?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
A Skirt and a Great Run
How could I forget? I finally got to wear one of my new running skirts yesterday! I was so excited, first that it was warm enough for bare legs, and second that I got to wear that cute, comfy thing. And boy how comfy it is. It's a Northface - I suppose I should take a picture - and doesn't pinch, bind or chafe in one single place. It's a wrap-around style, yet the strong wind that whipped up couldn't manage to expose the undershorts. The pocket inside is perfect for my iPod Touch and there's even a little reinforced hole up near the waistband for the headphones to feed through. This is probably normal in everyone else's running clothes, but new in mine!
The run itself was pretty slow (more so than usual, even), but it felt great. I hit that stage where "the body is machine", and it would take more energy to stop the momentum than to just keep running. I had forgotten that was even a thing. I also had forgotten I am in the stage of encouraging myself to get out there specifically by running slowly enough to feel great, so this was a good reminder (after the pride hit, of course).
The run itself was pretty slow (more so than usual, even), but it felt great. I hit that stage where "the body is machine", and it would take more energy to stop the momentum than to just keep running. I had forgotten that was even a thing. I also had forgotten I am in the stage of encouraging myself to get out there specifically by running slowly enough to feel great, so this was a good reminder (after the pride hit, of course).
Making Time
Ah, back after a pause of the blog. I'm not doing a great job meeting my goals, however I'm doing an admirable job working towards them. When I fall down, I get back up again and trudge on. My running hasn't happened when I have hoped, so I have completed them at other times. I've run twice since my last blog entry, which is a sight better than none at all!
Unfortunately (but fortunately, I guess), it's time to employ a schedule in my life. I have too much going on to be able to plan willy nilly. I have Bible time & prayer, running, mentoring, Bible classes, meetings & appointments, friends and p.j. time to juggle, not to mention the job and keeping up with the business and affairs of the home. It's feeling a bit overwhelming, although its obviously not too much to fit into my life; I just need to get organized.
I used to be the organization and neat 'n clean queen, but somewhere along the way I got tired (or stoned, maybe). Marriage helped, as multiple people make for more business and more of a mess than does one, so I was forced to get going or be buried in a humongoid mess. p.j. is excellent with helping around the house - rather, I should say amazing - but I am "the noticer" of most things needing done and I do all the finances and family business. All of these things could benefit greatly by the implementation of a schedule.
So that's my next goal: Get a weekly calendar and USE IT!
I'm actually pretty excited about this, as there is so much to do and I'm looking forward to doing it. Hey, maybe there's a nifty iPod ap for this...
Unfortunately (but fortunately, I guess), it's time to employ a schedule in my life. I have too much going on to be able to plan willy nilly. I have Bible time & prayer, running, mentoring, Bible classes, meetings & appointments, friends and p.j. time to juggle, not to mention the job and keeping up with the business and affairs of the home. It's feeling a bit overwhelming, although its obviously not too much to fit into my life; I just need to get organized.
I used to be the organization and neat 'n clean queen, but somewhere along the way I got tired (or stoned, maybe). Marriage helped, as multiple people make for more business and more of a mess than does one, so I was forced to get going or be buried in a humongoid mess. p.j. is excellent with helping around the house - rather, I should say amazing - but I am "the noticer" of most things needing done and I do all the finances and family business. All of these things could benefit greatly by the implementation of a schedule.
So that's my next goal: Get a weekly calendar and USE IT!
I'm actually pretty excited about this, as there is so much to do and I'm looking forward to doing it. Hey, maybe there's a nifty iPod ap for this...
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Got Guilt?
Well, I feel like a big, dumb loser for not getting up this morning to run. The half-asleep me is an excellent and convincing debater. Sleep smothers reason, and half-asleep would do anything to become full on snooze.
It doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get, and I even count to make sure I'm getting up at the end of a sleep cycle in order to to set myself up for success. There was no green beer or anything of the like last night, so it's not like I'm reaping what I sewed.
What to do, what to do? p.j. asked me if I would like for him to help. He said he would be insistent if it wouldn't get him into trouble. Ha, that was pretty funny. So I think we'll try it. But no telling how the half-asleep me will respond, and my husband is beautiful without black eyes. If that version of me is mean to p.j., I will instantly lose that resource.
So, enough of the guilt. Repent and move on. The actual repenting isn't quite as easy as I'd like (so God help me). BUT! It's another beautiful day, I have my two classes today, I get to see my friends and my p.j. tonight.
There's a migraine "thing" out there that I have read about for quite some time, and I plan to explore it as a root of many/most of my migraines and as a means of stopping them. Feelings of guilt, or perceived guilt, lead to fear. Think about it. Perceiving that we carry guilt about something causes us to consider, often subconsciously, the consequences of whatever led to that feeling of guilt. The guilt followed by fear lowers serotonin levels and heightens histamine levels in us. And that, my friends, is the recipe for a migraine.
There are, of course, other roots to the problem. Hormones, food sources, weather changes, and a kajillion other possibilities, which makes it really difficult to figure the cause sometimes. But when a person has known the food sources through the study and experimentation of many years of illness, is in tune to hormone cycles due to the same, but unexplained migraines yet occur, it's time to look elsewhere.
I have been living in a giant, lifelong guilt complex. From childhood through now, my actions have been scrutinized, my feelings squelched, and everything true about me has been shamed by key family members (who also deal with others in this manner) and, consequently, by me. I'm not laying blame on my family for being rooted in legalism and not living in grace; they know no better, but simply function from an ignorant place. I do find its important to let the truth be the truth, however, and to let illusions of reality fade away. I don't know how not to feel responsible for every bad thing, or anyone's bad mood even, around me. I don't know how not to feel shame for who I am. My brain knows I'm not guilty, but something rooted deeply inside of me knows that I am. Romans 8:1 says "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." I am in Christ Jesus and I choose to walk according to the Holy Spirit, which means that there is no condemnation for me, but I have been covered with the righteousness of Jesus. This means I have no guilt, as that guilt hung on the cross with Him on Calvary. Colossians 2:13-14 says "And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross." So, do I believe it or not? I would say yes, as my brain believes it. But I have to say no, as my heart doesn't get it. My heart needs to get it, and now it's time to seek that out.
It doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get, and I even count to make sure I'm getting up at the end of a sleep cycle in order to to set myself up for success. There was no green beer or anything of the like last night, so it's not like I'm reaping what I sewed.
What to do, what to do? p.j. asked me if I would like for him to help. He said he would be insistent if it wouldn't get him into trouble. Ha, that was pretty funny. So I think we'll try it. But no telling how the half-asleep me will respond, and my husband is beautiful without black eyes. If that version of me is mean to p.j., I will instantly lose that resource.
So, enough of the guilt. Repent and move on. The actual repenting isn't quite as easy as I'd like (so God help me). BUT! It's another beautiful day, I have my two classes today, I get to see my friends and my p.j. tonight.
There's a migraine "thing" out there that I have read about for quite some time, and I plan to explore it as a root of many/most of my migraines and as a means of stopping them. Feelings of guilt, or perceived guilt, lead to fear. Think about it. Perceiving that we carry guilt about something causes us to consider, often subconsciously, the consequences of whatever led to that feeling of guilt. The guilt followed by fear lowers serotonin levels and heightens histamine levels in us. And that, my friends, is the recipe for a migraine.
There are, of course, other roots to the problem. Hormones, food sources, weather changes, and a kajillion other possibilities, which makes it really difficult to figure the cause sometimes. But when a person has known the food sources through the study and experimentation of many years of illness, is in tune to hormone cycles due to the same, but unexplained migraines yet occur, it's time to look elsewhere.
I have been living in a giant, lifelong guilt complex. From childhood through now, my actions have been scrutinized, my feelings squelched, and everything true about me has been shamed by key family members (who also deal with others in this manner) and, consequently, by me. I'm not laying blame on my family for being rooted in legalism and not living in grace; they know no better, but simply function from an ignorant place. I do find its important to let the truth be the truth, however, and to let illusions of reality fade away. I don't know how not to feel responsible for every bad thing, or anyone's bad mood even, around me. I don't know how not to feel shame for who I am. My brain knows I'm not guilty, but something rooted deeply inside of me knows that I am. Romans 8:1 says "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." I am in Christ Jesus and I choose to walk according to the Holy Spirit, which means that there is no condemnation for me, but I have been covered with the righteousness of Jesus. This means I have no guilt, as that guilt hung on the cross with Him on Calvary. Colossians 2:13-14 says "And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross." So, do I believe it or not? I would say yes, as my brain believes it. But I have to say no, as my heart doesn't get it. My heart needs to get it, and now it's time to seek that out.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Later That Same Day...
Wow, it's a gorgeous, warm, sunny day outside - perfect for a trot - and I have another migraine whacking me. I want to try one of my new running skirts now, when its warm enough, but the afternoon migraines must stop. One of the very few things "they" know for sure about migraines is that physical activities exacerbates them. Besides, try going on a run while someone is cracking you in the noggin with a mallet and your stomach would be happy if you were puking. I am changing my running plans now, so as not to just drop them...I plan to run tomorrow morning and recuperate this evening.
I have less than a pint left of water until success today, I have eaten very well, I spent my lunch time with my Lord, so the stinking migraine is the only thing standing in the way of a great day. Well, its still a great day, just so frustrating. I am tired of my head. Hmm.
There's still the possibility that it will subside by itself, as I've been using my "methods". We shall see.
I have less than a pint left of water until success today, I have eaten very well, I spent my lunch time with my Lord, so the stinking migraine is the only thing standing in the way of a great day. Well, its still a great day, just so frustrating. I am tired of my head. Hmm.
There's still the possibility that it will subside by itself, as I've been using my "methods". We shall see.
Win Some and Lose Some - Get Up & Get Going!
Happy St. Patty's Day! I, being largely of Irish origin, am celebrating by wearing shades of brown & gold. I did button a neon-green Post It into my jacket, though, so as to be officially "okay".
Yesterday held a much tighter schedule than I had figured, and I didn't get to everything. Never fear, j.p. dear, there were successes along with the not-so-much-successes, and we're still on that journey and not at the end of any road. For someone like me, a huge part of this road is learning that its okay when goals aren't met and screw-ups happen. Simply repent and move on toward those goals.
Success with the water! I drank two full quarts from my Kerr, then drank another at dinner. It's so much easier to drink water than I thought. I also chugged three cups for taking supplements. I swear, the more I drink the thirstier I get. Some sources say to count all water intake, but some say not to count diuretics (coffee, tea, sodie pop, etc.) due to their water flushingness counteracting the benefit of intake. So I'll not count those.
I don't expect to be perfect on water intake, or on anything for that matter, but I do expect to keep these goals and work toward them so as to avoid wandering about, accomplishing nothing, and to boost my discipline and health levels in all goal areas.
I didn't have time for a run or for devotionals before or after core group last night, but since core group is a Bible study and since p.j. and I prayed in bed, I will count partial success in the spiritual growth. I did spend time absorbing God's Word and talking to him, but left out the part where He and I sit alone. Rather than regret that lost time, I plan to take advantage of today. As tonight will likely be busy, I will pray during lunch (I eat at other times anyway, so I won't be distracted by chow).
Eating goal partially met yesterday, as I ate healthy and good food all day. However, I had some candy (stupid candy jars around the office!) and excessive dessert. So...forgive thyself, j.p., and think about today. My recent penchant for sweets (I'm a salty gal) tells me that something is bugging me inside, and I need to explore it rather than medicate it with emotional eating. Again, important to sit and listen to God.
I didn't run at either of my goal times. It became obvious there was no room in yesterday's schedule for it, so I said I would run in the morning. I did get my running clothes washed, but it was so late that I was asleep well before they were ready for the dryer (ah, pesky loopholes! I said I would wash my clothes, but didn't say I'd dry them...). Also, p.j. didn't have to be up until late this morning, so I didn't feel like getting up, even if the clothes had been dry. I guess I'm treating him like a running partner, in a way, and am putting too much reliance on that. I need to work on getting up and running in the morning, p.j. or no. So many of my days allow no time for a half hour run and a quick shower, even, so its time I attack the dread early morning and use it to my scheduling benefit. I believe I have copped to my bed addiction, but I have not addressed it further. [Big Sigh...] Now is clearly the time.
When I used to row on Crew in college, I got up at 4:30 every morning in order to be at the lake in time. It was incredibly difficult to get up, but I LOVED busting my arse, sweating in the freezing cold of the still, quiet morning. Discipline. Time to pray to get up and accept no excuse for staying in bed. Okay, so today I will pray for discipline and tomorrow I plan to get up and run early. a.h. will be with us, so it will have to be half hour earlier than when he is not (I take him to school; he can't take the bus due to his dual locations). Oy. Okay, Lord help! Help! Oh, that was a little desperate.
I am also taking steps to be intentional in ministry, stopping with the excuses, and moving on in response to the call. This coincides with all this praying, goal making and striving. It has taken a looooong time, but I'm finally on that road.
Yesterday held a much tighter schedule than I had figured, and I didn't get to everything. Never fear, j.p. dear, there were successes along with the not-so-much-successes, and we're still on that journey and not at the end of any road. For someone like me, a huge part of this road is learning that its okay when goals aren't met and screw-ups happen. Simply repent and move on toward those goals.
Success with the water! I drank two full quarts from my Kerr, then drank another at dinner. It's so much easier to drink water than I thought. I also chugged three cups for taking supplements. I swear, the more I drink the thirstier I get. Some sources say to count all water intake, but some say not to count diuretics (coffee, tea, sodie pop, etc.) due to their water flushingness counteracting the benefit of intake. So I'll not count those.
I don't expect to be perfect on water intake, or on anything for that matter, but I do expect to keep these goals and work toward them so as to avoid wandering about, accomplishing nothing, and to boost my discipline and health levels in all goal areas.
I didn't have time for a run or for devotionals before or after core group last night, but since core group is a Bible study and since p.j. and I prayed in bed, I will count partial success in the spiritual growth. I did spend time absorbing God's Word and talking to him, but left out the part where He and I sit alone. Rather than regret that lost time, I plan to take advantage of today. As tonight will likely be busy, I will pray during lunch (I eat at other times anyway, so I won't be distracted by chow).
Eating goal partially met yesterday, as I ate healthy and good food all day. However, I had some candy (stupid candy jars around the office!) and excessive dessert. So...forgive thyself, j.p., and think about today. My recent penchant for sweets (I'm a salty gal) tells me that something is bugging me inside, and I need to explore it rather than medicate it with emotional eating. Again, important to sit and listen to God.
I didn't run at either of my goal times. It became obvious there was no room in yesterday's schedule for it, so I said I would run in the morning. I did get my running clothes washed, but it was so late that I was asleep well before they were ready for the dryer (ah, pesky loopholes! I said I would wash my clothes, but didn't say I'd dry them...). Also, p.j. didn't have to be up until late this morning, so I didn't feel like getting up, even if the clothes had been dry. I guess I'm treating him like a running partner, in a way, and am putting too much reliance on that. I need to work on getting up and running in the morning, p.j. or no. So many of my days allow no time for a half hour run and a quick shower, even, so its time I attack the dread early morning and use it to my scheduling benefit. I believe I have copped to my bed addiction, but I have not addressed it further. [Big Sigh...] Now is clearly the time.
When I used to row on Crew in college, I got up at 4:30 every morning in order to be at the lake in time. It was incredibly difficult to get up, but I LOVED busting my arse, sweating in the freezing cold of the still, quiet morning. Discipline. Time to pray to get up and accept no excuse for staying in bed. Okay, so today I will pray for discipline and tomorrow I plan to get up and run early. a.h. will be with us, so it will have to be half hour earlier than when he is not (I take him to school; he can't take the bus due to his dual locations). Oy. Okay, Lord help! Help! Oh, that was a little desperate.
I am also taking steps to be intentional in ministry, stopping with the excuses, and moving on in response to the call. This coincides with all this praying, goal making and striving. It has taken a looooong time, but I'm finally on that road.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Goal Checkup!
A revisit of yesterday's goals:
- Running frequency: I planned another run via drop off by p.j. this morning, but realized I had no long running pants or shirts left to wear. That's a potential problem of not planning well in advance, I suppose. I was sad to miss driving out with my man. I still have plenty of time to get in those runs this week, but do not want to put it off. I plan to run tonight (can wear less clothes due to day time warmth!) expediting the process so as to be able to shower and be presentable in time for our core group, or tomorrow morning after washing running clothes tonight. Tonight I plan to wash running clothes.
- Water consumption: I got a full quart in before noon, but didn't get the Kerr refilled because the filtered water is so far away. At least 50 feet. Yeah, I know. At about 6pm I gave up on a migraine battle and took a shot of Imi, which knocked me out for 12 hours, and I wasn't drinking while sleeping. A quart is improvement, though, so today I will concentrate on not being grossly lazy; when the first quart is empty (it's over half way there now), I shall get up and refill it!
- Eating: Throughout the day, I was attentive to what I ate, avoided grazing and had regular sized meals, not going back for seconds. I was fully satisfied and felt pretty good about how it went. Of course, I'm sure that sacking out at 6pm helped out by shortening the day. I'm instantly down 3 of those 5 pounds, so I have to assume it was largely (ha ha) water weight. Today, I will keep up the intentional eating.
- God date: Yesterday I sacked out on the couch from the Imitrex shot, but when p.j. got me up to go to bed, I couldn't go back to sleep. So I got up and chatted with God, read some Bible & study stuff. I felt the reconnect, wow, and I don't want to drop that again. I know He honors my time spent being in His presence. Today we have a tight schedule, so if I don't have time for running and devotions, I will spend time with God and shift the running to tomorrow morning.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Building Success Upon Success
I would like to report a successful natural migraine squelching on Thursday! This migraine had several hours to settle in so I thought I was done for. However, I held off on the Imi shot (was driving, and apparently I shouldn't drive when doped up), had a debit card debacle while trying to get Taco Hell (I know, but my choices on the fly were slim), called and got the problem card fixed and went to Taco Time for veggie burrito & water, and headed straight to class for my back to back Bible studies. I felt terrible when I got there, my fingernails were blue and I knew I would have to excuse myself soon to shoot up the Imi. However, I prayed and relaxed and the migraine waves soon reversed, changing from intensifying to lessening waves. Oh, the glory. Never before have I been so far gone in a migraine and had it reverse without medication. Thank You, Lord!
Saturday morning, I was readying to take my supplements and Topamax when I found I was going to have to cut another pill in 1/4s; that scant amount of extra time was all I needed to decide it was time. Rather than cut the pill, I went off of Topamax completely. I felt like a tight-rope walker without her balancing pole thingy, but a bit giddy and sort of thrilled. So far, no more migraines. At this point, I am having no more migraines than I was having on the Topamax recently, and many less migraines than I was having on Topamax in 2009. I will maintain my current efforts, which are rather simple and easy, and move on to the perception-of-guilt-problem for further resolution. What a journey; you will understand if you are or were a migraineur.
I am also thrilled to report two more runs! Saturday, p.j. went with me for an alternating run/walk. This is saying a bunch, since p.j. pretty much hates running. It was very windy out, which made it difficult. While I appreciate a difficult run, p.j. does not, so I'm not sure if/when I'll be able to get him out there with me again. I had a ball with him though! This morning p.j.'s work schedule was perfect for another on-the-way-to-work drop, so I hitched a ride to the other side of town again. This run was also difficult. I had Nike+ problems, as somehow it stalled two separate times, telling me that activity had stopped. Stopped, my hiney! I was still going, I tell ya...so twice I had to stop, take my Camelbak off (I am a horrendous hydrator unless I Camelbak), get my iPod out and restart the stinking thing. Neither time had it reset the run, but both times it had to "find" my shoe chip thingy before resuming; the net result was less mileage reported than was the actual run. Bummer.
Note that I made my 4/week goal last week, hurrah! This week I am repeating last week's goal, but I will state it more succinctly this time (note that a week is Sun-Sat):
It's time I practice discipline in other areas as well. For my health and safety, it is important that I drink water. I get thirsty and want to drink water, but the filtered water is at the other end of our small building. Once again, lame excuse! I have a Kerr 1 quart jar sitting here in front of me, which I will wrap up in my water goal. I have calculated my water needs using three calculation methods found in a general Google search, the calculations yielding 2.85, 2.92 and 3.78 quarts :
Saturday morning, I was readying to take my supplements and Topamax when I found I was going to have to cut another pill in 1/4s; that scant amount of extra time was all I needed to decide it was time. Rather than cut the pill, I went off of Topamax completely. I felt like a tight-rope walker without her balancing pole thingy, but a bit giddy and sort of thrilled. So far, no more migraines. At this point, I am having no more migraines than I was having on the Topamax recently, and many less migraines than I was having on Topamax in 2009. I will maintain my current efforts, which are rather simple and easy, and move on to the perception-of-guilt-problem for further resolution. What a journey; you will understand if you are or were a migraineur.
I am also thrilled to report two more runs! Saturday, p.j. went with me for an alternating run/walk. This is saying a bunch, since p.j. pretty much hates running. It was very windy out, which made it difficult. While I appreciate a difficult run, p.j. does not, so I'm not sure if/when I'll be able to get him out there with me again. I had a ball with him though! This morning p.j.'s work schedule was perfect for another on-the-way-to-work drop, so I hitched a ride to the other side of town again. This run was also difficult. I had Nike+ problems, as somehow it stalled two separate times, telling me that activity had stopped. Stopped, my hiney! I was still going, I tell ya...so twice I had to stop, take my Camelbak off (I am a horrendous hydrator unless I Camelbak), get my iPod out and restart the stinking thing. Neither time had it reset the run, but both times it had to "find" my shoe chip thingy before resuming; the net result was less mileage reported than was the actual run. Bummer.
Note that I made my 4/week goal last week, hurrah! This week I am repeating last week's goal, but I will state it more succinctly this time (note that a week is Sun-Sat):
- A Goal = Run 4 times this week
- B Goal = Run 3 times this week
It's time I practice discipline in other areas as well. For my health and safety, it is important that I drink water. I get thirsty and want to drink water, but the filtered water is at the other end of our small building. Once again, lame excuse! I have a Kerr 1 quart jar sitting here in front of me, which I will wrap up in my water goal. I have calculated my water needs using three calculation methods found in a general Google search, the calculations yielding 2.85, 2.92 and 3.78 quarts :
- A Goal = 3 quarts of water per day
- B Goal = 2 quarts of water per day to get the habit started
- Water consumption will help address this issue in multiple ways, click here for more information.
- Practice awareness and discipline in all eating and drinking.
- Acknowledge that there's likely an issue at the heart of the mindless eating - I believe I am using it as a pain-killer (emotional eating).
- Address the perception-of-guilt thing, which is likely a root of the eating and of the migraines.
- Pray for the Spirit to help me in all of these goals and make me able to treat my body as glorifies Him.
- Schedule devotion time (prayer, Bible reading, meditation, listening, etc.) and make it every day.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Third Time Really Is a Charm
Ahh, the early bird definitely didn't get stuck with the grody worm today!
Yesterday afternoon I was nailed with a nasty migraine (still not there on prevention - I have another theory that I'm sure will get me lots of mileage...more later) which I tried not to medicate. It grew into the horrible, stinky, awful, nasty, wretched monster with the teeth and claws that reminded me of just why I medicate, so I took a shot of Imitrex, which made me useless. I swear those shots hit me harder now that I'm taking 1/4 of my past dosage of Topamax.
Not being willing to run any less than three times this week, but hoping for a count of four (oh, yep, look there, it seems I just confessed that goal to you), and knowing I have back-to-back classes after work tonight, I figured I should go for an early morning run. Not fully convinced of this, I asked p.j. what time he would be leaving for work in the morning. He replied, "Five-thirty." Oy. Well it would surely give me enough time for a run before shower-time. So I took the plunge and asked him to awaken me in the morning when he got up; that meant getting up at 5 a.m.
At getting-up-time, I asked p.j. to give me 15 more minutes. Dangerous move. He came in again after the 15 and I rolled out of bed, away from that singularly unpleasant dream I was having. Whose brain created that? Anyway, I spent some time confusedly pacing the downstairs looking for some of my gear, but I eventually got it worked out. I got in the Jeep with p.j. and started the drive to work with him; it was a fun little drive. However, I had him drop me off on the other side of town, where I kicked on the Nike+ and ran back home. And boy did it feel wonderful! I had my 30 minutes, but this time I ran 2.85 miles. I guess the bump in distance was due to the "back to the barn" thing.
Just as I arrived at the house, a.h. could be heard hitting the snooze button upstairs. I had beaten him! Until lately, we've had endless hot water, even when both showers are going at once. Recently though, my showers have taken a turn for the cold at the end, after a.h. has been in his shower for 45 minutes or so. I know. But this time I got in way before he did, so I had plenty of hot water. I wonder if he did?
The plan is to keep my runs at 30 minutes for - I don't know - a long time probably. Long enough to be firmly established. I will probably indulge in longer weekend runs, but these short little runs fit nicely into my schedule and leave plenty of heart to long for the next time. In the past, I have always felt the need to constantly increase my distances. The longer distances got in the way of the rest of my schedule and took up time I didn't have, which made me feel...kind of frantic or out of control or something. Being quite competitive by nature, and of course being competitive against myself, it takes the pressure off to know I am just running for 30 minutes. I get to relax and enjoy it. I like it.
I feel that my motivation is building and I have some momentum: Motivatimentum. However, I will do my utmost not to rely on it prematurely, as this glorious and most excellent 3rd outing in no way qualifies running as a habit formed yet. My goal is yet to be intentional, taking nothing for granted. Although I sure am loving what I have been granted.
Yesterday afternoon I was nailed with a nasty migraine (still not there on prevention - I have another theory that I'm sure will get me lots of mileage...more later) which I tried not to medicate. It grew into the horrible, stinky, awful, nasty, wretched monster with the teeth and claws that reminded me of just why I medicate, so I took a shot of Imitrex, which made me useless. I swear those shots hit me harder now that I'm taking 1/4 of my past dosage of Topamax.
Not being willing to run any less than three times this week, but hoping for a count of four (oh, yep, look there, it seems I just confessed that goal to you), and knowing I have back-to-back classes after work tonight, I figured I should go for an early morning run. Not fully convinced of this, I asked p.j. what time he would be leaving for work in the morning. He replied, "Five-thirty." Oy. Well it would surely give me enough time for a run before shower-time. So I took the plunge and asked him to awaken me in the morning when he got up; that meant getting up at 5 a.m.
At getting-up-time, I asked p.j. to give me 15 more minutes. Dangerous move. He came in again after the 15 and I rolled out of bed, away from that singularly unpleasant dream I was having. Whose brain created that? Anyway, I spent some time confusedly pacing the downstairs looking for some of my gear, but I eventually got it worked out. I got in the Jeep with p.j. and started the drive to work with him; it was a fun little drive. However, I had him drop me off on the other side of town, where I kicked on the Nike+ and ran back home. And boy did it feel wonderful! I had my 30 minutes, but this time I ran 2.85 miles. I guess the bump in distance was due to the "back to the barn" thing.
Just as I arrived at the house, a.h. could be heard hitting the snooze button upstairs. I had beaten him! Until lately, we've had endless hot water, even when both showers are going at once. Recently though, my showers have taken a turn for the cold at the end, after a.h. has been in his shower for 45 minutes or so. I know. But this time I got in way before he did, so I had plenty of hot water. I wonder if he did?
The plan is to keep my runs at 30 minutes for - I don't know - a long time probably. Long enough to be firmly established. I will probably indulge in longer weekend runs, but these short little runs fit nicely into my schedule and leave plenty of heart to long for the next time. In the past, I have always felt the need to constantly increase my distances. The longer distances got in the way of the rest of my schedule and took up time I didn't have, which made me feel...kind of frantic or out of control or something. Being quite competitive by nature, and of course being competitive against myself, it takes the pressure off to know I am just running for 30 minutes. I get to relax and enjoy it. I like it.
I feel that my motivation is building and I have some momentum: Motivatimentum. However, I will do my utmost not to rely on it prematurely, as this glorious and most excellent 3rd outing in no way qualifies running as a habit formed yet. My goal is yet to be intentional, taking nothing for granted. Although I sure am loving what I have been granted.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Rainy Day, Squelched Migraine and...Yep, a Run!
I did it again! Thank you for being my accountability partner.
During the work day I felt a migraine coming on. Exercise exacerbates migraines, plus just try being able to exercise if you get significant migraines. (Good luck.) I'm not supposed to exercise on the medication, so I didn't medicate, but I worried. I also took action. I ate, as blood sugar ups and downs has been linked to migraine. My 1/2 PB & J seemed to make it worse (peanuts, oops), so I stayed as calm as possible and drank a pint of water, ate some strawberries & hard boiled eggs, and took 3 ibuprofen and prayed that God would take the headache away. In the past, ibuprofen has instantly manifested a flirtatious migraine, but I am doing things differently now (vitamins, etc.), so I figured it was worth trying for a different outcome. If taken early enough, the anti-inflammatory can work on the expanding blood vessel in the bean to keep it from blowing out. God be praised, the oncoming migraine actually went away!
As I drove home, I worried a bit about the very rainy, gray day. It's hard for me to get out of the house once I step into it after work, but a rainy or gray day (compounded if it's rainy and gray) amplifies the cozy calling of the post-work house. About half way home, I became the detested driving telephoner and called p.j. (making him another D.D.T.), asked about his day and then...yep, I reported my running plans to him, too. I also confessed my worries about getting back out of the house. He encouraged me and asked, "Didn't you used to run in the rain all the time back in Eugene?" Yes, yes I did. And although I generally hate the rain, the one time I love to be out in it is for a run. So I was intentional in my thinking all the way home (30 minute drive), planning how I would avoid my cute and fuzzy cat (who would be calling me to pajamas & cuddling time) and head straight for the running gear.
I stayed focused and got my bum out the door! a.h. looked up in surprise as I stepped out the door and called to him, "See you later." He asked where I was going. I guess I've been so far from the running scene that my running gear didn't tip him off.
The run was very difficult. I had to focus on form and breathing quite a bit, and boy did I earn that 30 minutes. As I was starting my last 5 minutes (thank you, Nike+ for reporting this to me and helping my sanity), I said to myself, "This is what makes people tough," and I really felt like I was working out something in my character that I hadn't approached in a long time. Although I was taxing my out of shape body, I was having a hard time suppressing a huge (stupid feeling) smile, feeling the wonderful thing I was doing for my mind, my body and - for the first time ever - I felt what I was growing in my spirit. Perseverance. Pushing through the hard times even when they hurt. Hanging in there and seeing the hard job through. Finding joy and peace in the hard times. Self-discipline, I got out there and will get out there again, remembering that the good thing often doesn't feel the best.
Oh, I should mention that my pace was 8 seconds per mile faster than Saturday's. I am putting my iPod in my pocket so as not to drive myself batty looking at my running information. I just want the end results at this point, so I wasn't able to see I could have kicked it down a notch. But that's alright by me.
When I returned home, p.j. was there. I came in the house and started stripping off my wet outer gear, shoes, iPod, etc. and stretching. I told him, "This is why people do this. That was really hard work." And instantly my words from Saturday echoed in my ears. Saturday's run had felt great and the sun had been shining. After my run I had said, "This is why people do this, this feels great!" Funny. In all my running in the past, I had never actualized that thought: Either way, good running day or bad, you're getting the best of it so long as you get out there. Down with superstitious thoughts/feelings about good runs being the goal.
p.j.'s reply? "You know what you're doing, right? You're motivating me to want to get out there and run." For someone who kind of hates running, that's not so bad.
During the work day I felt a migraine coming on. Exercise exacerbates migraines, plus just try being able to exercise if you get significant migraines. (Good luck.) I'm not supposed to exercise on the medication, so I didn't medicate, but I worried. I also took action. I ate, as blood sugar ups and downs has been linked to migraine. My 1/2 PB & J seemed to make it worse (peanuts, oops), so I stayed as calm as possible and drank a pint of water, ate some strawberries & hard boiled eggs, and took 3 ibuprofen and prayed that God would take the headache away. In the past, ibuprofen has instantly manifested a flirtatious migraine, but I am doing things differently now (vitamins, etc.), so I figured it was worth trying for a different outcome. If taken early enough, the anti-inflammatory can work on the expanding blood vessel in the bean to keep it from blowing out. God be praised, the oncoming migraine actually went away!
As I drove home, I worried a bit about the very rainy, gray day. It's hard for me to get out of the house once I step into it after work, but a rainy or gray day (compounded if it's rainy and gray) amplifies the cozy calling of the post-work house. About half way home, I became the detested driving telephoner and called p.j. (making him another D.D.T.), asked about his day and then...yep, I reported my running plans to him, too. I also confessed my worries about getting back out of the house. He encouraged me and asked, "Didn't you used to run in the rain all the time back in Eugene?" Yes, yes I did. And although I generally hate the rain, the one time I love to be out in it is for a run. So I was intentional in my thinking all the way home (30 minute drive), planning how I would avoid my cute and fuzzy cat (who would be calling me to pajamas & cuddling time) and head straight for the running gear.
I stayed focused and got my bum out the door! a.h. looked up in surprise as I stepped out the door and called to him, "See you later." He asked where I was going. I guess I've been so far from the running scene that my running gear didn't tip him off.
The run was very difficult. I had to focus on form and breathing quite a bit, and boy did I earn that 30 minutes. As I was starting my last 5 minutes (thank you, Nike+ for reporting this to me and helping my sanity), I said to myself, "This is what makes people tough," and I really felt like I was working out something in my character that I hadn't approached in a long time. Although I was taxing my out of shape body, I was having a hard time suppressing a huge (stupid feeling) smile, feeling the wonderful thing I was doing for my mind, my body and - for the first time ever - I felt what I was growing in my spirit. Perseverance. Pushing through the hard times even when they hurt. Hanging in there and seeing the hard job through. Finding joy and peace in the hard times. Self-discipline, I got out there and will get out there again, remembering that the good thing often doesn't feel the best.
Oh, I should mention that my pace was 8 seconds per mile faster than Saturday's. I am putting my iPod in my pocket so as not to drive myself batty looking at my running information. I just want the end results at this point, so I wasn't able to see I could have kicked it down a notch. But that's alright by me.
When I returned home, p.j. was there. I came in the house and started stripping off my wet outer gear, shoes, iPod, etc. and stretching. I told him, "This is why people do this. That was really hard work." And instantly my words from Saturday echoed in my ears. Saturday's run had felt great and the sun had been shining. After my run I had said, "This is why people do this, this feels great!" Funny. In all my running in the past, I had never actualized that thought: Either way, good running day or bad, you're getting the best of it so long as you get out there. Down with superstitious thoughts/feelings about good runs being the goal.
p.j.'s reply? "You know what you're doing, right? You're motivating me to want to get out there and run." For someone who kind of hates running, that's not so bad.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Success!
I did it. I ran!
Friday I emailed my friend and told her I was planning a morning run. I also told my husband. And, of course, I told you. Friday I planned out Saturday's schedule, set my alarm (yes, a weekend alarm) and watched my bedtime. I also gathered up my running gear and put it all in one stack in my closet so I wouldn't have to think in the morning.
Saturday, I obeyed my alarm. I awoke pretty excited, actually. I got dressed, didn't eat (oh well), didn't drink (oops), and hit the road for a lovely first run. I stuck to 30 minutes so as to leave excitement for the next run and to take it easy on the ole body, and it was great. The first half, I was unstoppable. The second half, I was flagging, but presence of mind caused me to straighten up, mind my form and breathing and remember than I could start walking whenever it pleased me. The form reminder was all I needed to freshen up, and it didn't please me to walk so I didn't. I got to wear my new jacket (what a fantastic jacket!) and pants, as it was too cold for the skirts. I remembered gloves but forgot a hat, so all was quite comfy except for my poor ears, which were quite painful. I ran 2.6 miles. I am happy to be alive with working limbs.
Sunday I reverted to the passive running plan, wherein I told nobody and neither did I actually plan a time for it. I was sure I would "get around to it", but - long story short - I did not. This morning I passively hoped to get up for a run. I again told nobody about my plan, didn't get to bed in time last night and didn't set my alarm for the proper time.
Lessons:
So how are you? I am planning to run tonight after work. (Check)
And now, after work the first thing on my list is a run. (Check)
I've found another lame excuse that knocks my runs to "more convenient" places in my schedule, which means it knocks them right out: The Post Run Shower. I have felt that showers must take place either first thing in the morning, as part of the morning readying ritual, or last thing at night, as part of the going to bed process. Let me actualize, right here, what a stupid excuse this is! Why can't I take a shower in the middle of the day, in the middle of the evening, or at any other time? If I end up having to go somewhere, I can simply do low maintenance preparations -oh yes, yes I can! Shower Excuse, you've just been KOed.
Tonight I plan to run.
Friday I emailed my friend and told her I was planning a morning run. I also told my husband. And, of course, I told you. Friday I planned out Saturday's schedule, set my alarm (yes, a weekend alarm) and watched my bedtime. I also gathered up my running gear and put it all in one stack in my closet so I wouldn't have to think in the morning.
Saturday, I obeyed my alarm. I awoke pretty excited, actually. I got dressed, didn't eat (oh well), didn't drink (oops), and hit the road for a lovely first run. I stuck to 30 minutes so as to leave excitement for the next run and to take it easy on the ole body, and it was great. The first half, I was unstoppable. The second half, I was flagging, but presence of mind caused me to straighten up, mind my form and breathing and remember than I could start walking whenever it pleased me. The form reminder was all I needed to freshen up, and it didn't please me to walk so I didn't. I got to wear my new jacket (what a fantastic jacket!) and pants, as it was too cold for the skirts. I remembered gloves but forgot a hat, so all was quite comfy except for my poor ears, which were quite painful. I ran 2.6 miles. I am happy to be alive with working limbs.
Sunday I reverted to the passive running plan, wherein I told nobody and neither did I actually plan a time for it. I was sure I would "get around to it", but - long story short - I did not. This morning I passively hoped to get up for a run. I again told nobody about my plan, didn't get to bed in time last night and didn't set my alarm for the proper time.
Lessons:
- Poor planning or no planning = no execution!
- Scheduling, preparation and accountability seem to be excellent things in the viability of a run.
So how are you? I am planning to run tonight after work. (Check)
And now, after work the first thing on my list is a run. (Check)
I've found another lame excuse that knocks my runs to "more convenient" places in my schedule, which means it knocks them right out: The Post Run Shower. I have felt that showers must take place either first thing in the morning, as part of the morning readying ritual, or last thing at night, as part of the going to bed process. Let me actualize, right here, what a stupid excuse this is! Why can't I take a shower in the middle of the day, in the middle of the evening, or at any other time? If I end up having to go somewhere, I can simply do low maintenance preparations -oh yes, yes I can! Shower Excuse, you've just been KOed.
Tonight I plan to run.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tickets, Hotels & Rental Cars. Oh, and Maybe a Run.
p.j. & I are going on a short trip at the end of May. We are going for a little bit of business and a little bit of pleasure. Yep, p.j. scheduled his vas reversal the other day. His doctor is in Texas, so we'll be heading down there for several days, with a day and a half up front for toodling around and then...ahem, on to "business".
Eighty-two days until surgery and 97 days until possibilities open up. So while we aren't guaranteed to ever have kids, we are now guaranteed less than 100 days of knowing we will not have kids. For now. Which means that while its highly unlikely, we could conceive in 100 days so I need to get ready.
Things to do before 97 days are up in order to be ready for the possibility of pregnancy:
Eighty-two days until surgery and 97 days until possibilities open up. So while we aren't guaranteed to ever have kids, we are now guaranteed less than 100 days of knowing we will not have kids. For now. Which means that while its highly unlikely, we could conceive in 100 days so I need to get ready.
Things to do before 97 days are up in order to be ready for the possibility of pregnancy:
- Be tapered completely off of Topamax (should be easy)
- Have B-complex + folic acid supplementation established, the B-complex for migraine prevention and the folic acid for proper baby cell division (need to do ASAP, meant to have started by now)
- Have vitamin E supplementation established for migraine prevention (can do it now)
- START RUNNING REGULARLY!!!
- Visit the doc and let her tell me how old I am for having kids - I mean, let her tell me what I can do to aid in fertility and reproductive health
- Today = I have two classes, back to back, right after work. No running.
- Friday = Tomorrow we have a seminar (parenting, ha!) after work. No running.
- Saturday = Sewing group at 10 am (yeah, yuk it up), church at 6 pm and a get together after church. 7:30 am run on Saturday.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Secret Plans of Failure
I'm doing it. I'm stepping off the Topamax wagon. Friday night I did decrease to 25 mg Topamax doses as planned, keeping up on the 2000mg vitamin D supplementation. I've been doing 25 mg twice a day, and I realize now I think I was supposed to start with only moving one of my daily doses down to 25 mg, but...eh. I have just learned from my dear dad-in-law that vitamin E is also recommended for migraine sufferers, and in my vitamin E research I have found that B complex is also. As I am starting on Folic Acid with B complex anyway (will let you know when), the latter is covered. This will be an interesting discovery period.
I have truly had an abundance of energy this weekend; I can already tell the difference. Now, I won't promise it's not all in my head, but Topamax half-life is 21 hours, so it makes sense that I would feel the difference. It is as if I have risen out of a fog - into a lighter fog. It's pretty wonderful. I did have a migraine yesterday and had to medicate with Imitrex - and boy did the Imi knock me for a loop this time - but I guess my body needs to adjust to the new levels (I hope that's all). And it's not like I didn't get plenty of migraines while on Topamax anyway. I didn't have migraines Saturday or Sunday.
So have I run yet? No. I honestly thought I would be reporting something different in this blog today. Saturday morning I secretly planned a run before we celebrated our friend's birthday (sushi lunch, ahhhhh!), but I awoke starving. When I'm even mildly in shape, I don't mind running hungry. Sure it's harder, but I'd rather just get out there and do it. However, when I'm out of shape, there isn't much more miserable/discouraging than running on empty. As our pantry doesn't look like most pantries in this century (therefore nothing quick was available), I was going to cook an egg or so, rest on it for a bit, then hit it. But turning the "getting out the door" process into something so high-maintenance made me realize it was looking like less of a reality. Especially since my husband and I were having such great "conversation", which delayed getting up until quite late and I had to jump in the shower to get ready for lunch (which was in the next town). After our friend's birthday celebration we went to church (we go to Saturday night service to avoid the crush of the Sunday a.m. services as well as to avoid getting up and rolling weekend mornings), then we had to eat, and then and then and then...it was too late. Sunday held different activities, but was patterned the same.
So what can be learned from this? Several key things.
Another thing, I've set my alarm for 6 a.m. Monday & Tuesday mornings, but have snoozed it to death! Must pray for some stinking self-discipline and less love for that bed of laziness.
I have truly had an abundance of energy this weekend; I can already tell the difference. Now, I won't promise it's not all in my head, but Topamax half-life is 21 hours, so it makes sense that I would feel the difference. It is as if I have risen out of a fog - into a lighter fog. It's pretty wonderful. I did have a migraine yesterday and had to medicate with Imitrex - and boy did the Imi knock me for a loop this time - but I guess my body needs to adjust to the new levels (I hope that's all). And it's not like I didn't get plenty of migraines while on Topamax anyway. I didn't have migraines Saturday or Sunday.
So have I run yet? No. I honestly thought I would be reporting something different in this blog today. Saturday morning I secretly planned a run before we celebrated our friend's birthday (sushi lunch, ahhhhh!), but I awoke starving. When I'm even mildly in shape, I don't mind running hungry. Sure it's harder, but I'd rather just get out there and do it. However, when I'm out of shape, there isn't much more miserable/discouraging than running on empty. As our pantry doesn't look like most pantries in this century (therefore nothing quick was available), I was going to cook an egg or so, rest on it for a bit, then hit it. But turning the "getting out the door" process into something so high-maintenance made me realize it was looking like less of a reality. Especially since my husband and I were having such great "conversation", which delayed getting up until quite late and I had to jump in the shower to get ready for lunch (which was in the next town). After our friend's birthday celebration we went to church (we go to Saturday night service to avoid the crush of the Sunday a.m. services as well as to avoid getting up and rolling weekend mornings), then we had to eat, and then and then and then...it was too late. Sunday held different activities, but was patterned the same.
So what can be learned from this? Several key things.
- Why did I secretly plan my runs this weekend? Because I assumed I would fail and I preferred my failure to be secret as well. Tsk tsk. By not telling p.j. what I planned/hoped to do, he couldn't help me to succeed, and he loves to help me to succeed. He already knows about my struggle and doesn't judge me, I need to ignore the lie that he will judge me if I report to him as an act of accountability, whether or not I succeed that particular time. (And if he does secretly judge me, so what? He can still help me.)
- My days lack structure, and due to this I lose valuable time between activities. I need to begin asking God to show me how and give me the strength and ability to make a good daily structure (hate to say schedule - my family would hate me). Every time I have accomplished this in my own strength, I have been super-schedule-nazi for awhile, then I just crash and burn. I need God's grace and hand on this.
Another thing, I've set my alarm for 6 a.m. Monday & Tuesday mornings, but have snoozed it to death! Must pray for some stinking self-discipline and less love for that bed of laziness.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Physiological Laziness?
I have some new information today which may be groundbreaking in my struggle. As a lucky migraine-getter, I take a daily preventative, morning and night: Topamax. Today I read up on it to see if it is safe for pregnant women (yeah, I doubted it too), as it has occurred to me that I might have to taper off of it before the possibility of conception happens. Among the varied, interesting and terrible things I have found (bad idea for pregnant women) is a basic list of side effects which I have long forgotten:
Lessons for today:
In response to Lesson 2, I am ready to taper off of my medication, as I will need to do so soon enough anyway. (I have already been given the "all clear" to handle this by my doc.) Simply stopping a medication due to its side effects will often not be a possibility, but knowing about it is half the battle. If I wouldn't/won't be able to cope with pain without the medication, at least being ultra aware that much of the way I feel might be attributed to the medication, I will be better able to draw that line between my identity and the effects of the drug. This will help me to work with what I have, not making better excuses (ha ha!), but accepting reality and doing my best despite it. However, as of this moment I am excited to taper off of Topamax and see how that works with my heightened Vitamin D levels. For more information, read here.
My usual dosage is 50 mg in the a.m. + 50 mg in the p.m. Tonight I will take 25 mg!
- fatigue or drowsiness
- difficulty with concentration
- difficulty finding the right word (word retrieval)
- confusion
- dizziness
- unsteadiness
- a feeling of pins and needles, usually in the tips of the fingers and toes
- loss of appetite and weight loss
- nervousness
- depression
- difficulty with memory
Lessons for today:
- Have your doctor order regular blood labs on you. Keep tabs on what's going on inside your machine. When something is off, get 'er back on track.
- Stay informed on what you're swallowing. While this goes for absolutely everything, I'm specifically speaking of medications, supplements, foods and other substances you put in your mouth.
In response to Lesson 2, I am ready to taper off of my medication, as I will need to do so soon enough anyway. (I have already been given the "all clear" to handle this by my doc.) Simply stopping a medication due to its side effects will often not be a possibility, but knowing about it is half the battle. If I wouldn't/won't be able to cope with pain without the medication, at least being ultra aware that much of the way I feel might be attributed to the medication, I will be better able to draw that line between my identity and the effects of the drug. This will help me to work with what I have, not making better excuses (ha ha!), but accepting reality and doing my best despite it. However, as of this moment I am excited to taper off of Topamax and see how that works with my heightened Vitamin D levels. For more information, read here.
My usual dosage is 50 mg in the a.m. + 50 mg in the p.m. Tonight I will take 25 mg!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Addiction
Today the sun is shining and I long to go for a run. I don't know if I actually would go for a run if I were to be able to today this afternoon/evening, but right now I am mildly on fire! Another thing of significance is that yesterday I longed to go on a run as well, and at a lesser intensity than today. That means that since knocking out some excuses and praying about being able to overcome the difficulties of getting out the door, I have for two consecutive days desired to run and in increasing amounts.
Note that I still have not run, however. There are good reasons for this, this time, and not lame excuses (although there might have been lame excuses if there hadn't been great reasons, you never know). Yesterday I headed home from work, had a quick dinner with j.p., orchestrated a messy schedule, picked up some peeps and headed off to church, then did the after church drop off just in time to get "the cats" rounded up with all of their stuff and get them shipped out the door (oh finally, this glorious day - I suppose there's no place for this story in this blog today). By the time all of this was done, it was 9:30 and time to sit and try to wear off the accidental overdose of my anti-migraine medication. So while I don't expect I would have run, I'm not even going to suggest I could have. As for today, I have two classes, one starting just as I get off of work and the other starting half hour after the first one ends. I get home between 9:30 and 10:00, and am not willing to dress for a run when I should be dressing for bed. I do not feel this is unreasonable by any measure.
I have a morning bed addiction which I have been meaning to face, but which is...well...an addiction. I fight with the idea of getting up early for running vs. getting up early for time with Jesus and do neither. I truly do believe what is stated in Matthew 6:33 - But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ("all these things" being things we eat, things we drink, things we wear, as stated in verse 31 just prior, referring to the things we need for healthy living). Living according to this, I would like to get up early to seek God and make that relationship my #1 priority and let Him add running unto me, which I know He will do. But, you know, bed addiction. Maybe we'll talk more about this later.
Note that I still have not run, however. There are good reasons for this, this time, and not lame excuses (although there might have been lame excuses if there hadn't been great reasons, you never know). Yesterday I headed home from work, had a quick dinner with j.p., orchestrated a messy schedule, picked up some peeps and headed off to church, then did the after church drop off just in time to get "the cats" rounded up with all of their stuff and get them shipped out the door (oh finally, this glorious day - I suppose there's no place for this story in this blog today). By the time all of this was done, it was 9:30 and time to sit and try to wear off the accidental overdose of my anti-migraine medication. So while I don't expect I would have run, I'm not even going to suggest I could have. As for today, I have two classes, one starting just as I get off of work and the other starting half hour after the first one ends. I get home between 9:30 and 10:00, and am not willing to dress for a run when I should be dressing for bed. I do not feel this is unreasonable by any measure.
I have a morning bed addiction which I have been meaning to face, but which is...well...an addiction. I fight with the idea of getting up early for running vs. getting up early for time with Jesus and do neither. I truly do believe what is stated in Matthew 6:33 - But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ("all these things" being things we eat, things we drink, things we wear, as stated in verse 31 just prior, referring to the things we need for healthy living). Living according to this, I would like to get up early to seek God and make that relationship my #1 priority and let Him add running unto me, which I know He will do. But, you know, bed addiction. Maybe we'll talk more about this later.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Did Somebody Conquer Rome In A Day?
I wonder if nickle & diming kills excuses like nickle & diming kills my bank account? Well I intend to find out.
Without going great gusto, the 'all or nothing' from my inglorious past, I have attended to a thing or two as effort has permitted. I'll revisit the numbered points (I like to call them points rather than excuses - sounds better) I bulleted on my Feb 19th post:
1) Accidentally found Nike+ shoe insert thingy. Purposely put it in my running shoe in my closet so I'll know where it is.
2) By now, I happen to remember that I leave a pocket under the laces & tongue of one of my shoes to secure the Nike+ thingy in. While that's usually good enough (and works better for me than any suggestion I've read online so far), I think wrapping it in a small piece of non-slick cloth first will keep it from it's occasional slippage down into the main shoe area (terribly uncomfortable). Uh oh, now I'm preventing excuses in advance.
3) Found iPod, as I searched it out for some other use. (Funny how searching for it wasn't a problem when it wasn't to be used for exercise). Since I've found it, I've been using it for multiple tasks, therefore I still know its whereabouts.
4) Have been plugging iPod in daily so as not to wonder about power level. This has been intentional. Woo.
5) Deleted Bible reading application so reader's monotone, dry voice won't interrupt music mojo. Never fear, other Bible ap (the kind where I actually read it - and I don't have to use a dry, monotonous voice) is still there.
Okay, this is wholly amazing. The first 5 excuses have been entirely obliterated without so much as a plan of attack or a widespread effort. I can't even believe it. This is mere passive resistance. Simple nickle & dime technique. Regarding this particular list, remaining are:
6) I would have to get dressed for the run - but oh! I have two new running skirts - but it snowed today - BUT I also have a new pair of running pants AND a new running jacket!! So while getting out the door is the hardest part, the iPod is located, powered up and ready to roll and I have fun and cute clothes so it should actually be fun to get ready.
7) Timing
I would like to acknowledge that getting out the door will likely remain a challenge, and that gumption will probably be required for success. I am going to pray for gumption to get out the door.
Without going great gusto, the 'all or nothing' from my inglorious past, I have attended to a thing or two as effort has permitted. I'll revisit the numbered points (I like to call them points rather than excuses - sounds better) I bulleted on my Feb 19th post:
1) Accidentally found Nike+ shoe insert thingy. Purposely put it in my running shoe in my closet so I'll know where it is.
2) By now, I happen to remember that I leave a pocket under the laces & tongue of one of my shoes to secure the Nike+ thingy in. While that's usually good enough (and works better for me than any suggestion I've read online so far), I think wrapping it in a small piece of non-slick cloth first will keep it from it's occasional slippage down into the main shoe area (terribly uncomfortable). Uh oh, now I'm preventing excuses in advance.
3) Found iPod, as I searched it out for some other use. (Funny how searching for it wasn't a problem when it wasn't to be used for exercise). Since I've found it, I've been using it for multiple tasks, therefore I still know its whereabouts.
4) Have been plugging iPod in daily so as not to wonder about power level. This has been intentional. Woo.
5) Deleted Bible reading application so reader's monotone, dry voice won't interrupt music mojo. Never fear, other Bible ap (the kind where I actually read it - and I don't have to use a dry, monotonous voice) is still there.
Okay, this is wholly amazing. The first 5 excuses have been entirely obliterated without so much as a plan of attack or a widespread effort. I can't even believe it. This is mere passive resistance. Simple nickle & dime technique. Regarding this particular list, remaining are:
6) I would have to get dressed for the run - but oh! I have two new running skirts - but it snowed today - BUT I also have a new pair of running pants AND a new running jacket!! So while getting out the door is the hardest part, the iPod is located, powered up and ready to roll and I have fun and cute clothes so it should actually be fun to get ready.
7) Timing
I would like to acknowledge that getting out the door will likely remain a challenge, and that gumption will probably be required for success. I am going to pray for gumption to get out the door.
Confessions of Stupidity
I committed myself with "Well...", bolstered my courage with a swig of good coffee and dove headlong into my ugly confession about my life of lame excuses. I don't know what I was hoping to gain - help, companionship, accountability, understanding? - but I do know that I was expecting to receive veiled condescension. However, I should have pegged my friend, this fresh and bright soul, less severely; I should have been more expectant of patronizing commentary and sympathetic smiles. Even that was too much. Imagine my surprise when she fairly shouted, "I know! I can't work out because it would take me 15 minutes to get changed, and...and...and...!"
Okay, to be fair, she is a new friend, so it's not very weird that we didn't know this about each other.
We compared excuses and many were the same, and the ones that differed were equally stupid. What a rousing conversation ensued! (Well, our conversations are always rousing, but...) The wonder of it was that it was NOT rooted in the misery-loves-company thing, as neither of us wanted to stay in the misery zone, but were both excited to explore the thing in an effort to kill it! It's probably obvious that we didn't kill it and neither did we face off with it (yet), but we did some surveillance of the enemy and also did discover that we are not a one person army after all.
Okay, to be fair, she is a new friend, so it's not very weird that we didn't know this about each other.
We compared excuses and many were the same, and the ones that differed were equally stupid. What a rousing conversation ensued! (Well, our conversations are always rousing, but...) The wonder of it was that it was NOT rooted in the misery-loves-company thing, as neither of us wanted to stay in the misery zone, but were both excited to explore the thing in an effort to kill it! It's probably obvious that we didn't kill it and neither did we face off with it (yet), but we did some surveillance of the enemy and also did discover that we are not a one person army after all.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Dissecting A Large Excuse
How does an excuse become so powerful when the thing the excuse is suppressing is such a coveted thing? I sacrifice all that I want physically in exchange for the power to sit on my arse and do nothing. What? It's not like I can't still sit on my arse and do nothing later, after a lil workout, so...what's the problem? And what's the pull of sitting on my arse and doing nothing anyway? I don't particularly like it. It does feel pretty good, but so does running, even the hurting part (when it happens to hurt) - no, I really do like it, plus my ego likes it. Anyway, it boggles my mind.
Right now I'm going to guess at the wonderful reasons I won't run tonight:
1) I'm not sure where my Nike+ shoe insert thingy is.
2) Since I don't have Nike+ shoes, I have to rig the insert thingy up in a certain way, and since its been so long since I've run with it, I don't remember how to do so comfortably.
3) Not exactly sure of my iPod's location.
4) Not sure if my iPod is fully charged.
5) Have a Bible reading application on my iPod that is loaded with the songs and interrupts the songs periodically to read the entire Bible - very annoying.
6) Would have to get dressed for a run.
7) Might have to decide whether to eat dinner first or wait.
...
Alright, this is embarrassingly nitpicky and nonstop. Since we get the gist, I'll quit recording the humiliation. However, I can see that I am clearly setting myself up with an impossible situation. If I am to satisfy all of my conditions before embarking upon a run, especially with no pre-thought or preparation, a run will never happen. I am a tricky devil!
Let me experiment.
Experiment #1: Temporarily remove Nike+ and iPod from running experience (until I can get them under control).
Wow, there go my first 5 excuses! I'm sure I could easily replace those 5 with 5 more, but the point is, the excuses are just that, EXCUSES. Stupid, imagined blockades I use. "I use"? Ouch.
Right now I'm going to guess at the wonderful reasons I won't run tonight:
1) I'm not sure where my Nike+ shoe insert thingy is.
2) Since I don't have Nike+ shoes, I have to rig the insert thingy up in a certain way, and since its been so long since I've run with it, I don't remember how to do so comfortably.
3) Not exactly sure of my iPod's location.
4) Not sure if my iPod is fully charged.
5) Have a Bible reading application on my iPod that is loaded with the songs and interrupts the songs periodically to read the entire Bible - very annoying.
6) Would have to get dressed for a run.
7) Might have to decide whether to eat dinner first or wait.
...
Alright, this is embarrassingly nitpicky and nonstop. Since we get the gist, I'll quit recording the humiliation. However, I can see that I am clearly setting myself up with an impossible situation. If I am to satisfy all of my conditions before embarking upon a run, especially with no pre-thought or preparation, a run will never happen. I am a tricky devil!
Let me experiment.
Experiment #1: Temporarily remove Nike+ and iPod from running experience (until I can get them under control).
Wow, there go my first 5 excuses! I'm sure I could easily replace those 5 with 5 more, but the point is, the excuses are just that, EXCUSES. Stupid, imagined blockades I use. "I use"? Ouch.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Physical Inspiration in Multi-Form!
1) A recent regular blood lab result showed fantastic levels of everything - I am your star student - in all but Vitamin D, in which I am scarily deficient. Now that I am in remedial Vit. D supplementing, I expect to get caught up and rid myself of muscle weakness (and other bad stuff) soon. Soon.
2) I have somehow jumped directly from someone's fashion blog (I can't remember whose) to some exercise & fitness blogs. Some very FUNNY fitness blogs which include the writers' foibles and difficulties. They support the concepts I already have regarding the subject, so they feel like a strong and personable support system, and they have inspired me. I don't know if they have inspired me enough to make a run or any other form of exercise happen, but...
3) With my REI giftcard from dear ole dad-in-law, I bought two fitness skirts (or maybe a skirt and a skort) and a jacket. The skirts are arriving tomorrow and I am looking forward to wearing them, but that means a workout! I also have a new pair of workout pants with the tags on...hmmm.
4) p.j. and I are heavily discussing parenthood this year, and I do NOT want that process to start without having a fitness routine established which can safely extend throughout...you know.
All this means, it's time to stop letting my feelings make my decisions. Time to don the mantle of discipline and kick it in the rear. At least get up and walk around the block!
2) I have somehow jumped directly from someone's fashion blog (I can't remember whose) to some exercise & fitness blogs. Some very FUNNY fitness blogs which include the writers' foibles and difficulties. They support the concepts I already have regarding the subject, so they feel like a strong and personable support system, and they have inspired me. I don't know if they have inspired me enough to make a run or any other form of exercise happen, but...
3) With my REI giftcard from dear ole dad-in-law, I bought two fitness skirts (or maybe a skirt and a skort) and a jacket. The skirts are arriving tomorrow and I am looking forward to wearing them, but that means a workout! I also have a new pair of workout pants with the tags on...hmmm.
4) p.j. and I are heavily discussing parenthood this year, and I do NOT want that process to start without having a fitness routine established which can safely extend throughout...you know.
All this means, it's time to stop letting my feelings make my decisions. Time to don the mantle of discipline and kick it in the rear. At least get up and walk around the block!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I Say Welcome
Come Twenty-Ten, and bring your blank hours,
Your minutes are welcome here too.
I see your blank slate and it pleases my eye,
You're needed - there's so much up and coming to do.
May the work of my hands prove a glorious thing,
And my mouth be a wellspring so sweet.
As my Father enables and strengthens my heart,
May He fill me with grace for whomever I meet.
j.p.
Your minutes are welcome here too.
I see your blank slate and it pleases my eye,
You're needed - there's so much up and coming to do.
May the work of my hands prove a glorious thing,
And my mouth be a wellspring so sweet.
As my Father enables and strengthens my heart,
May He fill me with grace for whomever I meet.
j.p.
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