I did it again! Thank you for being my accountability partner.
During the work day I felt a migraine coming on. Exercise exacerbates migraines, plus just try being able to exercise if you get significant migraines. (Good luck.) I'm not supposed to exercise on the medication, so I didn't medicate, but I worried. I also took action. I ate, as blood sugar ups and downs has been linked to migraine. My 1/2 PB & J seemed to make it worse (peanuts, oops), so I stayed as calm as possible and drank a pint of water, ate some strawberries & hard boiled eggs, and took 3 ibuprofen and prayed that God would take the headache away. In the past, ibuprofen has instantly manifested a flirtatious migraine, but I am doing things differently now (vitamins, etc.), so I figured it was worth trying for a different outcome. If taken early enough, the anti-inflammatory can work on the expanding blood vessel in the bean to keep it from blowing out. God be praised, the oncoming migraine actually went away!
As I drove home, I worried a bit about the very rainy, gray day. It's hard for me to get out of the house once I step into it after work, but a rainy or gray day (compounded if it's rainy and gray) amplifies the cozy calling of the post-work house. About half way home, I became the detested driving telephoner and called p.j. (making him another D.D.T.), asked about his day and then...yep, I reported my running plans to him, too. I also confessed my worries about getting back out of the house. He encouraged me and asked, "Didn't you used to run in the rain all the time back in Eugene?" Yes, yes I did. And although I generally hate the rain, the one time I love to be out in it is for a run. So I was intentional in my thinking all the way home (30 minute drive), planning how I would avoid my cute and fuzzy cat (who would be calling me to pajamas & cuddling time) and head straight for the running gear.
I stayed focused and got my bum out the door! a.h. looked up in surprise as I stepped out the door and called to him, "See you later." He asked where I was going. I guess I've been so far from the running scene that my running gear didn't tip him off.
The run was very difficult. I had to focus on form and breathing quite a bit, and boy did I earn that 30 minutes. As I was starting my last 5 minutes (thank you, Nike+ for reporting this to me and helping my sanity), I said to myself, "This is what makes people tough," and I really felt like I was working out something in my character that I hadn't approached in a long time. Although I was taxing my out of shape body, I was having a hard time suppressing a huge (stupid feeling) smile, feeling the wonderful thing I was doing for my mind, my body and - for the first time ever - I felt what I was growing in my spirit. Perseverance. Pushing through the hard times even when they hurt. Hanging in there and seeing the hard job through. Finding joy and peace in the hard times. Self-discipline, I got out there and will get out there again, remembering that the good thing often doesn't feel the best.
Oh, I should mention that my pace was 8 seconds per mile faster than Saturday's. I am putting my iPod in my pocket so as not to drive myself batty looking at my running information. I just want the end results at this point, so I wasn't able to see I could have kicked it down a notch. But that's alright by me.
When I returned home, p.j. was there. I came in the house and started stripping off my wet outer gear, shoes, iPod, etc. and stretching. I told him, "This is why people do this. That was really hard work." And instantly my words from Saturday echoed in my ears. Saturday's run had felt great and the sun had been shining. After my run I had said, "This is why people do this, this feels great!" Funny. In all my running in the past, I had never actualized that thought: Either way, good running day or bad, you're getting the best of it so long as you get out there. Down with superstitious thoughts/feelings about good runs being the goal.
p.j.'s reply? "You know what you're doing, right? You're motivating me to want to get out there and run." For someone who kind of hates running, that's not so bad.
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Physiological Laziness?
I have some new information today which may be groundbreaking in my struggle. As a lucky migraine-getter, I take a daily preventative, morning and night: Topamax. Today I read up on it to see if it is safe for pregnant women (yeah, I doubted it too), as it has occurred to me that I might have to taper off of it before the possibility of conception happens. Among the varied, interesting and terrible things I have found (bad idea for pregnant women) is a basic list of side effects which I have long forgotten:
Lessons for today:
In response to Lesson 2, I am ready to taper off of my medication, as I will need to do so soon enough anyway. (I have already been given the "all clear" to handle this by my doc.) Simply stopping a medication due to its side effects will often not be a possibility, but knowing about it is half the battle. If I wouldn't/won't be able to cope with pain without the medication, at least being ultra aware that much of the way I feel might be attributed to the medication, I will be better able to draw that line between my identity and the effects of the drug. This will help me to work with what I have, not making better excuses (ha ha!), but accepting reality and doing my best despite it. However, as of this moment I am excited to taper off of Topamax and see how that works with my heightened Vitamin D levels. For more information, read here.
My usual dosage is 50 mg in the a.m. + 50 mg in the p.m. Tonight I will take 25 mg!
- fatigue or drowsiness
- difficulty with concentration
- difficulty finding the right word (word retrieval)
- confusion
- dizziness
- unsteadiness
- a feeling of pins and needles, usually in the tips of the fingers and toes
- loss of appetite and weight loss
- nervousness
- depression
- difficulty with memory
Lessons for today:
- Have your doctor order regular blood labs on you. Keep tabs on what's going on inside your machine. When something is off, get 'er back on track.
- Stay informed on what you're swallowing. While this goes for absolutely everything, I'm specifically speaking of medications, supplements, foods and other substances you put in your mouth.
In response to Lesson 2, I am ready to taper off of my medication, as I will need to do so soon enough anyway. (I have already been given the "all clear" to handle this by my doc.) Simply stopping a medication due to its side effects will often not be a possibility, but knowing about it is half the battle. If I wouldn't/won't be able to cope with pain without the medication, at least being ultra aware that much of the way I feel might be attributed to the medication, I will be better able to draw that line between my identity and the effects of the drug. This will help me to work with what I have, not making better excuses (ha ha!), but accepting reality and doing my best despite it. However, as of this moment I am excited to taper off of Topamax and see how that works with my heightened Vitamin D levels. For more information, read here.
My usual dosage is 50 mg in the a.m. + 50 mg in the p.m. Tonight I will take 25 mg!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Addiction
Today the sun is shining and I long to go for a run. I don't know if I actually would go for a run if I were to be able to today this afternoon/evening, but right now I am mildly on fire! Another thing of significance is that yesterday I longed to go on a run as well, and at a lesser intensity than today. That means that since knocking out some excuses and praying about being able to overcome the difficulties of getting out the door, I have for two consecutive days desired to run and in increasing amounts.
Note that I still have not run, however. There are good reasons for this, this time, and not lame excuses (although there might have been lame excuses if there hadn't been great reasons, you never know). Yesterday I headed home from work, had a quick dinner with j.p., orchestrated a messy schedule, picked up some peeps and headed off to church, then did the after church drop off just in time to get "the cats" rounded up with all of their stuff and get them shipped out the door (oh finally, this glorious day - I suppose there's no place for this story in this blog today). By the time all of this was done, it was 9:30 and time to sit and try to wear off the accidental overdose of my anti-migraine medication. So while I don't expect I would have run, I'm not even going to suggest I could have. As for today, I have two classes, one starting just as I get off of work and the other starting half hour after the first one ends. I get home between 9:30 and 10:00, and am not willing to dress for a run when I should be dressing for bed. I do not feel this is unreasonable by any measure.
I have a morning bed addiction which I have been meaning to face, but which is...well...an addiction. I fight with the idea of getting up early for running vs. getting up early for time with Jesus and do neither. I truly do believe what is stated in Matthew 6:33 - But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ("all these things" being things we eat, things we drink, things we wear, as stated in verse 31 just prior, referring to the things we need for healthy living). Living according to this, I would like to get up early to seek God and make that relationship my #1 priority and let Him add running unto me, which I know He will do. But, you know, bed addiction. Maybe we'll talk more about this later.
Note that I still have not run, however. There are good reasons for this, this time, and not lame excuses (although there might have been lame excuses if there hadn't been great reasons, you never know). Yesterday I headed home from work, had a quick dinner with j.p., orchestrated a messy schedule, picked up some peeps and headed off to church, then did the after church drop off just in time to get "the cats" rounded up with all of their stuff and get them shipped out the door (oh finally, this glorious day - I suppose there's no place for this story in this blog today). By the time all of this was done, it was 9:30 and time to sit and try to wear off the accidental overdose of my anti-migraine medication. So while I don't expect I would have run, I'm not even going to suggest I could have. As for today, I have two classes, one starting just as I get off of work and the other starting half hour after the first one ends. I get home between 9:30 and 10:00, and am not willing to dress for a run when I should be dressing for bed. I do not feel this is unreasonable by any measure.
I have a morning bed addiction which I have been meaning to face, but which is...well...an addiction. I fight with the idea of getting up early for running vs. getting up early for time with Jesus and do neither. I truly do believe what is stated in Matthew 6:33 - But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ("all these things" being things we eat, things we drink, things we wear, as stated in verse 31 just prior, referring to the things we need for healthy living). Living according to this, I would like to get up early to seek God and make that relationship my #1 priority and let Him add running unto me, which I know He will do. But, you know, bed addiction. Maybe we'll talk more about this later.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Did Somebody Conquer Rome In A Day?
I wonder if nickle & diming kills excuses like nickle & diming kills my bank account? Well I intend to find out.
Without going great gusto, the 'all or nothing' from my inglorious past, I have attended to a thing or two as effort has permitted. I'll revisit the numbered points (I like to call them points rather than excuses - sounds better) I bulleted on my Feb 19th post:
1) Accidentally found Nike+ shoe insert thingy. Purposely put it in my running shoe in my closet so I'll know where it is.
2) By now, I happen to remember that I leave a pocket under the laces & tongue of one of my shoes to secure the Nike+ thingy in. While that's usually good enough (and works better for me than any suggestion I've read online so far), I think wrapping it in a small piece of non-slick cloth first will keep it from it's occasional slippage down into the main shoe area (terribly uncomfortable). Uh oh, now I'm preventing excuses in advance.
3) Found iPod, as I searched it out for some other use. (Funny how searching for it wasn't a problem when it wasn't to be used for exercise). Since I've found it, I've been using it for multiple tasks, therefore I still know its whereabouts.
4) Have been plugging iPod in daily so as not to wonder about power level. This has been intentional. Woo.
5) Deleted Bible reading application so reader's monotone, dry voice won't interrupt music mojo. Never fear, other Bible ap (the kind where I actually read it - and I don't have to use a dry, monotonous voice) is still there.
Okay, this is wholly amazing. The first 5 excuses have been entirely obliterated without so much as a plan of attack or a widespread effort. I can't even believe it. This is mere passive resistance. Simple nickle & dime technique. Regarding this particular list, remaining are:
6) I would have to get dressed for the run - but oh! I have two new running skirts - but it snowed today - BUT I also have a new pair of running pants AND a new running jacket!! So while getting out the door is the hardest part, the iPod is located, powered up and ready to roll and I have fun and cute clothes so it should actually be fun to get ready.
7) Timing
I would like to acknowledge that getting out the door will likely remain a challenge, and that gumption will probably be required for success. I am going to pray for gumption to get out the door.
Without going great gusto, the 'all or nothing' from my inglorious past, I have attended to a thing or two as effort has permitted. I'll revisit the numbered points (I like to call them points rather than excuses - sounds better) I bulleted on my Feb 19th post:
1) Accidentally found Nike+ shoe insert thingy. Purposely put it in my running shoe in my closet so I'll know where it is.
2) By now, I happen to remember that I leave a pocket under the laces & tongue of one of my shoes to secure the Nike+ thingy in. While that's usually good enough (and works better for me than any suggestion I've read online so far), I think wrapping it in a small piece of non-slick cloth first will keep it from it's occasional slippage down into the main shoe area (terribly uncomfortable). Uh oh, now I'm preventing excuses in advance.
3) Found iPod, as I searched it out for some other use. (Funny how searching for it wasn't a problem when it wasn't to be used for exercise). Since I've found it, I've been using it for multiple tasks, therefore I still know its whereabouts.
4) Have been plugging iPod in daily so as not to wonder about power level. This has been intentional. Woo.
5) Deleted Bible reading application so reader's monotone, dry voice won't interrupt music mojo. Never fear, other Bible ap (the kind where I actually read it - and I don't have to use a dry, monotonous voice) is still there.
Okay, this is wholly amazing. The first 5 excuses have been entirely obliterated without so much as a plan of attack or a widespread effort. I can't even believe it. This is mere passive resistance. Simple nickle & dime technique. Regarding this particular list, remaining are:
6) I would have to get dressed for the run - but oh! I have two new running skirts - but it snowed today - BUT I also have a new pair of running pants AND a new running jacket!! So while getting out the door is the hardest part, the iPod is located, powered up and ready to roll and I have fun and cute clothes so it should actually be fun to get ready.
7) Timing
I would like to acknowledge that getting out the door will likely remain a challenge, and that gumption will probably be required for success. I am going to pray for gumption to get out the door.
Confessions of Stupidity
I committed myself with "Well...", bolstered my courage with a swig of good coffee and dove headlong into my ugly confession about my life of lame excuses. I don't know what I was hoping to gain - help, companionship, accountability, understanding? - but I do know that I was expecting to receive veiled condescension. However, I should have pegged my friend, this fresh and bright soul, less severely; I should have been more expectant of patronizing commentary and sympathetic smiles. Even that was too much. Imagine my surprise when she fairly shouted, "I know! I can't work out because it would take me 15 minutes to get changed, and...and...and...!"
Okay, to be fair, she is a new friend, so it's not very weird that we didn't know this about each other.
We compared excuses and many were the same, and the ones that differed were equally stupid. What a rousing conversation ensued! (Well, our conversations are always rousing, but...) The wonder of it was that it was NOT rooted in the misery-loves-company thing, as neither of us wanted to stay in the misery zone, but were both excited to explore the thing in an effort to kill it! It's probably obvious that we didn't kill it and neither did we face off with it (yet), but we did some surveillance of the enemy and also did discover that we are not a one person army after all.
Okay, to be fair, she is a new friend, so it's not very weird that we didn't know this about each other.
We compared excuses and many were the same, and the ones that differed were equally stupid. What a rousing conversation ensued! (Well, our conversations are always rousing, but...) The wonder of it was that it was NOT rooted in the misery-loves-company thing, as neither of us wanted to stay in the misery zone, but were both excited to explore the thing in an effort to kill it! It's probably obvious that we didn't kill it and neither did we face off with it (yet), but we did some surveillance of the enemy and also did discover that we are not a one person army after all.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Dissecting A Large Excuse
How does an excuse become so powerful when the thing the excuse is suppressing is such a coveted thing? I sacrifice all that I want physically in exchange for the power to sit on my arse and do nothing. What? It's not like I can't still sit on my arse and do nothing later, after a lil workout, so...what's the problem? And what's the pull of sitting on my arse and doing nothing anyway? I don't particularly like it. It does feel pretty good, but so does running, even the hurting part (when it happens to hurt) - no, I really do like it, plus my ego likes it. Anyway, it boggles my mind.
Right now I'm going to guess at the wonderful reasons I won't run tonight:
1) I'm not sure where my Nike+ shoe insert thingy is.
2) Since I don't have Nike+ shoes, I have to rig the insert thingy up in a certain way, and since its been so long since I've run with it, I don't remember how to do so comfortably.
3) Not exactly sure of my iPod's location.
4) Not sure if my iPod is fully charged.
5) Have a Bible reading application on my iPod that is loaded with the songs and interrupts the songs periodically to read the entire Bible - very annoying.
6) Would have to get dressed for a run.
7) Might have to decide whether to eat dinner first or wait.
...
Alright, this is embarrassingly nitpicky and nonstop. Since we get the gist, I'll quit recording the humiliation. However, I can see that I am clearly setting myself up with an impossible situation. If I am to satisfy all of my conditions before embarking upon a run, especially with no pre-thought or preparation, a run will never happen. I am a tricky devil!
Let me experiment.
Experiment #1: Temporarily remove Nike+ and iPod from running experience (until I can get them under control).
Wow, there go my first 5 excuses! I'm sure I could easily replace those 5 with 5 more, but the point is, the excuses are just that, EXCUSES. Stupid, imagined blockades I use. "I use"? Ouch.
Right now I'm going to guess at the wonderful reasons I won't run tonight:
1) I'm not sure where my Nike+ shoe insert thingy is.
2) Since I don't have Nike+ shoes, I have to rig the insert thingy up in a certain way, and since its been so long since I've run with it, I don't remember how to do so comfortably.
3) Not exactly sure of my iPod's location.
4) Not sure if my iPod is fully charged.
5) Have a Bible reading application on my iPod that is loaded with the songs and interrupts the songs periodically to read the entire Bible - very annoying.
6) Would have to get dressed for a run.
7) Might have to decide whether to eat dinner first or wait.
...
Alright, this is embarrassingly nitpicky and nonstop. Since we get the gist, I'll quit recording the humiliation. However, I can see that I am clearly setting myself up with an impossible situation. If I am to satisfy all of my conditions before embarking upon a run, especially with no pre-thought or preparation, a run will never happen. I am a tricky devil!
Let me experiment.
Experiment #1: Temporarily remove Nike+ and iPod from running experience (until I can get them under control).
Wow, there go my first 5 excuses! I'm sure I could easily replace those 5 with 5 more, but the point is, the excuses are just that, EXCUSES. Stupid, imagined blockades I use. "I use"? Ouch.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Physical Inspiration in Multi-Form!
1) A recent regular blood lab result showed fantastic levels of everything - I am your star student - in all but Vitamin D, in which I am scarily deficient. Now that I am in remedial Vit. D supplementing, I expect to get caught up and rid myself of muscle weakness (and other bad stuff) soon. Soon.
2) I have somehow jumped directly from someone's fashion blog (I can't remember whose) to some exercise & fitness blogs. Some very FUNNY fitness blogs which include the writers' foibles and difficulties. They support the concepts I already have regarding the subject, so they feel like a strong and personable support system, and they have inspired me. I don't know if they have inspired me enough to make a run or any other form of exercise happen, but...
3) With my REI giftcard from dear ole dad-in-law, I bought two fitness skirts (or maybe a skirt and a skort) and a jacket. The skirts are arriving tomorrow and I am looking forward to wearing them, but that means a workout! I also have a new pair of workout pants with the tags on...hmmm.
4) p.j. and I are heavily discussing parenthood this year, and I do NOT want that process to start without having a fitness routine established which can safely extend throughout...you know.
All this means, it's time to stop letting my feelings make my decisions. Time to don the mantle of discipline and kick it in the rear. At least get up and walk around the block!
2) I have somehow jumped directly from someone's fashion blog (I can't remember whose) to some exercise & fitness blogs. Some very FUNNY fitness blogs which include the writers' foibles and difficulties. They support the concepts I already have regarding the subject, so they feel like a strong and personable support system, and they have inspired me. I don't know if they have inspired me enough to make a run or any other form of exercise happen, but...
3) With my REI giftcard from dear ole dad-in-law, I bought two fitness skirts (or maybe a skirt and a skort) and a jacket. The skirts are arriving tomorrow and I am looking forward to wearing them, but that means a workout! I also have a new pair of workout pants with the tags on...hmmm.
4) p.j. and I are heavily discussing parenthood this year, and I do NOT want that process to start without having a fitness routine established which can safely extend throughout...you know.
All this means, it's time to stop letting my feelings make my decisions. Time to don the mantle of discipline and kick it in the rear. At least get up and walk around the block!
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