Building Success Upon Success

I would like to report a successful natural migraine squelching on Thursday!  This migraine had several hours to settle in so I thought I was done for.  However, I held off on the Imi shot (was driving, and apparently I shouldn't drive when doped up), had a debit card debacle while trying to get Taco Hell (I know, but my choices on the fly were slim), called and got the problem card fixed and went to Taco Time for veggie burrito & water, and headed straight to class for my back to back Bible studies.  I felt terrible when I got there, my fingernails were blue and I knew I would have to excuse myself soon to shoot up the Imi.  However, I prayed and relaxed and the migraine waves soon reversed, changing from intensifying to lessening waves.  Oh, the glory.  Never before have I been so far gone in a migraine and had it reverse without medication.  Thank You, Lord!

Saturday morning, I was readying to take my supplements and Topamax when I found I was going to have to cut another pill in 1/4s; that scant amount of extra time was all I needed to decide it was time.  Rather than cut the pill, I went off of Topamax completely.  I felt like a tight-rope walker without her balancing pole thingy, but a bit giddy and sort of thrilled.  So far, no more migraines.  At this point, I am having no more migraines than I was having on the Topamax recently, and many less migraines than I was having on Topamax in 2009.  I will maintain my current efforts, which are rather simple and easy, and move on to the perception-of-guilt-problem for further resolution.  What a journey; you will understand if you are or were a migraineur.

I am also thrilled to report two more runs!  Saturday, p.j. went with me for an alternating run/walk.  This is saying a bunch, since p.j. pretty much hates running.  It was very windy out, which made it difficult.  While I appreciate a difficult run, p.j. does not, so I'm not sure if/when I'll be able to get him out there with me again.  I had a ball with him though!  This morning p.j.'s work schedule was perfect for another on-the-way-to-work drop, so I hitched a ride to the other side of town again.  This run was also difficult.  I had Nike+ problems, as somehow it stalled two separate times, telling me that activity had stopped.  Stopped, my hiney!  I was still going, I tell ya...so twice I had to stop, take my Camelbak off (I am a horrendous hydrator unless I Camelbak), get my iPod out and restart the stinking thing.  Neither time had it reset the run, but both times it had to "find" my shoe chip thingy before resuming; the net result was less mileage reported than was the actual run.  Bummer.

Note that I made my 4/week goal last week, hurrah!  This week I am repeating last week's goal, but I will state it more succinctly this time (note that a week is Sun-Sat):

• A Goal = Run 4 times this week
• B Goal = Run 3 times this week

It's time I practice discipline in other areas as well.  For my health and safety, it is important that I drink water.  I get thirsty and want to drink water, but the filtered water is at the other end of our small building. Once again, lame excuse!  I have a Kerr 1 quart jar sitting here in front of me, which I will wrap up in my water goal.  I have calculated my water needs using three calculation methods found in a general Google search, the calculations yielding 2.85, 2.92 and 3.78 quarts :

• A Goal = 3 quarts of water per day
• B Goal = 2 quarts of water per day to get the habit started

I have gained weight.  Sure muscle is denser than fat, but I have more fat too.  I have been eating some terrible things lately, and I have been grazing and going back for 2nds when I am not hungry as well.  Topamax is known to suppress the appetite so perhaps I am experiencing the loss of this, but I refuse to be undone by becoming drugless.  Here are some points I will address regarding this:

• Water consumption will help address this issue in multiple ways, click here for more information. 
• Practice awareness and discipline in all eating and drinking.
• Acknowledge that there's likely an issue at the heart of the mindless eating - I believe I am using it as a pain-killer (emotional eating).
• Address the perception-of-guilt thing, which is likely a root of the eating and of the migraines. 
• Pray for the Spirit to help me in all of these goals and make me able to treat my body as glorifies Him.

Most important is the prioritization of my relationship with God, through whom all things are possible and without whom all of these efforts will be in vain.

• Schedule devotion time (prayer, Bible reading, meditation, listening, etc.) and make it every day.

These are a lot of goals at once, so I'll go easy on myself.  However, I'm on the way with running and with water consumption (my Kerr jar is already in use).  Appetite is under observation (I'm hungry).  My priority is scheduling and making my devotional time with The Creator.  I will state an immediate goal here, so as to be accountable to you.  Tonight NLT 8:00 I plan to sit down with God, Bible and prayer journal in hand, and see what He comes up with.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Secret Plans of Failure

I'm doing it.  I'm stepping off the Topamax wagon.  Friday night I did decrease to 25 mg Topamax doses as planned, keeping up on the 2000mg vitamin D supplementation.  I've been doing 25 mg twice a day, and I realize now I think I was supposed to start with only moving one of my daily doses down to 25 mg, but...eh.  I have just learned from my dear dad-in-law that vitamin E is also recommended for migraine sufferers, and in my vitamin E research I have found that B complex is also.  As I am starting on Folic Acid with B complex anyway (will let you know when), the latter is covered.  This will be an interesting discovery period. 

I have truly had an abundance of energy this weekend; I can already tell the difference.  Now, I won't promise it's not all in my head, but Topamax half-life is 21 hours, so it makes sense that I would feel the difference.  It is as if I have risen out of a fog - into a lighter fog.  It's pretty wonderful.  I did have a migraine yesterday and had to medicate with Imitrex - and boy did the Imi knock me for a loop this time - but I guess my body needs to adjust to the new levels (I hope that's all).  And it's not like I didn't get plenty of migraines while on Topamax anyway.  I didn't have migraines Saturday or Sunday.

So have I run yet?  No.  I honestly thought I would be reporting something different in this blog today.  Saturday morning I secretly planned a run before we celebrated our friend's birthday (sushi lunch, ahhhhh!), but I awoke starving.  When I'm even mildly in shape, I don't mind running hungry.  Sure it's harder, but I'd rather just get out there and do it.  However, when I'm out of shape, there isn't much more miserable/discouraging than running on empty.  As our pantry doesn't look like most pantries in this century (therefore nothing quick was available), I was going to cook an egg or so, rest on it for a bit, then hit it.  But turning the "getting out the door" process into something so high-maintenance made me realize it was looking like less of a reality.  Especially since my husband and I were having such great "conversation", which delayed getting up until quite late and I had to jump in the shower to get ready for lunch (which was in the next town).  After our friend's birthday celebration we went to church (we go to Saturday night service to avoid the crush of the Sunday a.m. services as well as to avoid getting up and rolling weekend mornings), then we had to eat, and then and then and then...it was too late.  Sunday held different activities, but was patterned the same.

So what can be learned from this?  Several key things.

1. Why did I secretly plan my runs this weekend? Because I assumed I would fail and I preferred my failure to be secret as well.  Tsk tsk.  By not telling p.j. what I planned/hoped to do, he couldn't help me to succeed, and he loves to help me to succeed.  He already knows about my struggle and doesn't judge me, I need to ignore the lie that he will judge me if I report to him as an act of accountability, whether or not I succeed that particular time.  (And if he does secretly judge me, so what?  He can still help me.)
2. My days lack structure, and due to this I lose valuable time between activities. I need to begin asking God to show me how and give me the strength and ability to make a good daily structure (hate to say schedule - my family would hate me).   Every time I have accomplished this in my own strength, I have been super-schedule-nazi for awhile, then I just crash and burn.  I need God's grace and hand on this.

Another thing, I've set my alarm for 6 a.m. Monday & Tuesday mornings, but have snoozed it to death!  Must pray for some stinking self-discipline and less love for that bed of laziness.