I have wanted a running partner for so long. Not so much for the companionship, although that's certainly a wonderful plus, but for accountability. I've had a couple of running partners in the past, and we got each other out there each day. We motivated each other. Leaned on each other. Pushed each other. I have been wanting that since long before I actually started running again.
I live in a small town on the edge of a very large town, so you'd think I could find a partner. None of my current friends are into running, though, or else they live too far away from me to be able to make it work regularly - I'm not looking for the once-a-week meeting, but I want that daily "let's go" partner. I thought it would work to find someone in the very large town, as I work in that very large town every weekday. However, I have afternoon/evening obligations 3 to 4 of the weekdays. No matter, I couldn't find a running partner in the very large town anyway. I still hold the hope, however, of finding a partner in my small town. Someone who will cause me to relish the challenge of getting up early each morning, or stepping out of laziness late every evening. Someone who likes to run the same kind of distances and is at about the same level. A female, because it's not worth it to me to appear as though "something might be going on" with a man other than my husband.
I'm starting to think this person doesn't exist. But I desperately want her to! I look forward to meeting her and to meeting with her for a daily run. Nope, I haven't given up.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sicko
Yes, that's me. I've been sick with some creeping crud that does a little in the way of sore throat, chest congestion and sinus ickies, but packs a big wallop in the fatigue area. Apparently it's the thing to have these days. I'm finally up and about, but now I have to get caught up on life. So I'll see ya soon, when there's something to report besides the backs of my eyelids!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Bitten By the Bug
Oy, I think I caught p.j.'s illness of last weekend. I swore I wouldn't get it, so maybe it's just something else. Either way, I feel pretty ick today.
Last night found me lying on the couch, thumping my Nike+ sensor on the couch in order to rack up some time. This cheat was justified by my iPod cheating me on my morning run. While p.j. was dropping me off, I noted that my iPod was dead. Oh. No biggie, I can still run. But I want credit for my run! I timed the run and clocked the mileage on the way to work, then duplicated it as best as possible with the cheat for my records. Let me tell you, it's not so easy to fool Nike+. It was hard work getting it to buy my faux run! This morning p.j. did another drop off, and this time I had a fully charged iPod, and Nike+ did its thing as I did mine. My lungs labored more than normal, for sure, but the rest felt great.
In the mornings, I have been bundling up the nekkid spots in order to avoid having that one miserable piece of flesh in agony. I am even warming my air. p.j.'s is loaning his windstopper/face warmer to me, which is keeping my nose from the intense ache of huffing on cold air. A fleece earwarmer headband and a fleece beanie both keep my ears and head nice and cozy. p.j. is also loaning me a fleece neck warmer. Fleece gloves, a flashlight and...other protection are the final touches. Did I mention all of these items are black, as were my pants? p.j. took a picture (while snickering), which I will try to post. The whole ninja effect was ruined when I donned my bright orange jacket. Oh, well I guess ninjas don't generally wear white running shoes either, eh?
Last night found me lying on the couch, thumping my Nike+ sensor on the couch in order to rack up some time. This cheat was justified by my iPod cheating me on my morning run. While p.j. was dropping me off, I noted that my iPod was dead. Oh. No biggie, I can still run. But I want credit for my run! I timed the run and clocked the mileage on the way to work, then duplicated it as best as possible with the cheat for my records. Let me tell you, it's not so easy to fool Nike+. It was hard work getting it to buy my faux run! This morning p.j. did another drop off, and this time I had a fully charged iPod, and Nike+ did its thing as I did mine. My lungs labored more than normal, for sure, but the rest felt great.
In the mornings, I have been bundling up the nekkid spots in order to avoid having that one miserable piece of flesh in agony. I am even warming my air. p.j.'s is loaning his windstopper/face warmer to me, which is keeping my nose from the intense ache of huffing on cold air. A fleece earwarmer headband and a fleece beanie both keep my ears and head nice and cozy. p.j. is also loaning me a fleece neck warmer. Fleece gloves, a flashlight and...other protection are the final touches. Did I mention all of these items are black, as were my pants? p.j. took a picture (while snickering), which I will try to post. The whole ninja effect was ruined when I donned my bright orange jacket. Oh, well I guess ninjas don't generally wear white running shoes either, eh?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
A Skirt and a Great Run
How could I forget? I finally got to wear one of my new running skirts yesterday! I was so excited, first that it was warm enough for bare legs, and second that I got to wear that cute, comfy thing. And boy how comfy it is. It's a Northface - I suppose I should take a picture - and doesn't pinch, bind or chafe in one single place. It's a wrap-around style, yet the strong wind that whipped up couldn't manage to expose the undershorts. The pocket inside is perfect for my iPod Touch and there's even a little reinforced hole up near the waistband for the headphones to feed through. This is probably normal in everyone else's running clothes, but new in mine!
The run itself was pretty slow (more so than usual, even), but it felt great. I hit that stage where "the body is machine", and it would take more energy to stop the momentum than to just keep running. I had forgotten that was even a thing. I also had forgotten I am in the stage of encouraging myself to get out there specifically by running slowly enough to feel great, so this was a good reminder (after the pride hit, of course).
The run itself was pretty slow (more so than usual, even), but it felt great. I hit that stage where "the body is machine", and it would take more energy to stop the momentum than to just keep running. I had forgotten that was even a thing. I also had forgotten I am in the stage of encouraging myself to get out there specifically by running slowly enough to feel great, so this was a good reminder (after the pride hit, of course).
Making Time
Ah, back after a pause of the blog. I'm not doing a great job meeting my goals, however I'm doing an admirable job working towards them. When I fall down, I get back up again and trudge on. My running hasn't happened when I have hoped, so I have completed them at other times. I've run twice since my last blog entry, which is a sight better than none at all!
Unfortunately (but fortunately, I guess), it's time to employ a schedule in my life. I have too much going on to be able to plan willy nilly. I have Bible time & prayer, running, mentoring, Bible classes, meetings & appointments, friends and p.j. time to juggle, not to mention the job and keeping up with the business and affairs of the home. It's feeling a bit overwhelming, although its obviously not too much to fit into my life; I just need to get organized.
I used to be the organization and neat 'n clean queen, but somewhere along the way I got tired (or stoned, maybe). Marriage helped, as multiple people make for more business and more of a mess than does one, so I was forced to get going or be buried in a humongoid mess. p.j. is excellent with helping around the house - rather, I should say amazing - but I am "the noticer" of most things needing done and I do all the finances and family business. All of these things could benefit greatly by the implementation of a schedule.
So that's my next goal: Get a weekly calendar and USE IT!
I'm actually pretty excited about this, as there is so much to do and I'm looking forward to doing it. Hey, maybe there's a nifty iPod ap for this...
Unfortunately (but fortunately, I guess), it's time to employ a schedule in my life. I have too much going on to be able to plan willy nilly. I have Bible time & prayer, running, mentoring, Bible classes, meetings & appointments, friends and p.j. time to juggle, not to mention the job and keeping up with the business and affairs of the home. It's feeling a bit overwhelming, although its obviously not too much to fit into my life; I just need to get organized.
I used to be the organization and neat 'n clean queen, but somewhere along the way I got tired (or stoned, maybe). Marriage helped, as multiple people make for more business and more of a mess than does one, so I was forced to get going or be buried in a humongoid mess. p.j. is excellent with helping around the house - rather, I should say amazing - but I am "the noticer" of most things needing done and I do all the finances and family business. All of these things could benefit greatly by the implementation of a schedule.
So that's my next goal: Get a weekly calendar and USE IT!
I'm actually pretty excited about this, as there is so much to do and I'm looking forward to doing it. Hey, maybe there's a nifty iPod ap for this...
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Got Guilt?
Well, I feel like a big, dumb loser for not getting up this morning to run. The half-asleep me is an excellent and convincing debater. Sleep smothers reason, and half-asleep would do anything to become full on snooze.
It doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get, and I even count to make sure I'm getting up at the end of a sleep cycle in order to to set myself up for success. There was no green beer or anything of the like last night, so it's not like I'm reaping what I sewed.
What to do, what to do? p.j. asked me if I would like for him to help. He said he would be insistent if it wouldn't get him into trouble. Ha, that was pretty funny. So I think we'll try it. But no telling how the half-asleep me will respond, and my husband is beautiful without black eyes. If that version of me is mean to p.j., I will instantly lose that resource.
So, enough of the guilt. Repent and move on. The actual repenting isn't quite as easy as I'd like (so God help me). BUT! It's another beautiful day, I have my two classes today, I get to see my friends and my p.j. tonight.
There's a migraine "thing" out there that I have read about for quite some time, and I plan to explore it as a root of many/most of my migraines and as a means of stopping them. Feelings of guilt, or perceived guilt, lead to fear. Think about it. Perceiving that we carry guilt about something causes us to consider, often subconsciously, the consequences of whatever led to that feeling of guilt. The guilt followed by fear lowers serotonin levels and heightens histamine levels in us. And that, my friends, is the recipe for a migraine.
There are, of course, other roots to the problem. Hormones, food sources, weather changes, and a kajillion other possibilities, which makes it really difficult to figure the cause sometimes. But when a person has known the food sources through the study and experimentation of many years of illness, is in tune to hormone cycles due to the same, but unexplained migraines yet occur, it's time to look elsewhere.
I have been living in a giant, lifelong guilt complex. From childhood through now, my actions have been scrutinized, my feelings squelched, and everything true about me has been shamed by key family members (who also deal with others in this manner) and, consequently, by me. I'm not laying blame on my family for being rooted in legalism and not living in grace; they know no better, but simply function from an ignorant place. I do find its important to let the truth be the truth, however, and to let illusions of reality fade away. I don't know how not to feel responsible for every bad thing, or anyone's bad mood even, around me. I don't know how not to feel shame for who I am. My brain knows I'm not guilty, but something rooted deeply inside of me knows that I am. Romans 8:1 says "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." I am in Christ Jesus and I choose to walk according to the Holy Spirit, which means that there is no condemnation for me, but I have been covered with the righteousness of Jesus. This means I have no guilt, as that guilt hung on the cross with Him on Calvary. Colossians 2:13-14 says "And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross." So, do I believe it or not? I would say yes, as my brain believes it. But I have to say no, as my heart doesn't get it. My heart needs to get it, and now it's time to seek that out.
It doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get, and I even count to make sure I'm getting up at the end of a sleep cycle in order to to set myself up for success. There was no green beer or anything of the like last night, so it's not like I'm reaping what I sewed.
What to do, what to do? p.j. asked me if I would like for him to help. He said he would be insistent if it wouldn't get him into trouble. Ha, that was pretty funny. So I think we'll try it. But no telling how the half-asleep me will respond, and my husband is beautiful without black eyes. If that version of me is mean to p.j., I will instantly lose that resource.
So, enough of the guilt. Repent and move on. The actual repenting isn't quite as easy as I'd like (so God help me). BUT! It's another beautiful day, I have my two classes today, I get to see my friends and my p.j. tonight.
There's a migraine "thing" out there that I have read about for quite some time, and I plan to explore it as a root of many/most of my migraines and as a means of stopping them. Feelings of guilt, or perceived guilt, lead to fear. Think about it. Perceiving that we carry guilt about something causes us to consider, often subconsciously, the consequences of whatever led to that feeling of guilt. The guilt followed by fear lowers serotonin levels and heightens histamine levels in us. And that, my friends, is the recipe for a migraine.
There are, of course, other roots to the problem. Hormones, food sources, weather changes, and a kajillion other possibilities, which makes it really difficult to figure the cause sometimes. But when a person has known the food sources through the study and experimentation of many years of illness, is in tune to hormone cycles due to the same, but unexplained migraines yet occur, it's time to look elsewhere.
I have been living in a giant, lifelong guilt complex. From childhood through now, my actions have been scrutinized, my feelings squelched, and everything true about me has been shamed by key family members (who also deal with others in this manner) and, consequently, by me. I'm not laying blame on my family for being rooted in legalism and not living in grace; they know no better, but simply function from an ignorant place. I do find its important to let the truth be the truth, however, and to let illusions of reality fade away. I don't know how not to feel responsible for every bad thing, or anyone's bad mood even, around me. I don't know how not to feel shame for who I am. My brain knows I'm not guilty, but something rooted deeply inside of me knows that I am. Romans 8:1 says "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." I am in Christ Jesus and I choose to walk according to the Holy Spirit, which means that there is no condemnation for me, but I have been covered with the righteousness of Jesus. This means I have no guilt, as that guilt hung on the cross with Him on Calvary. Colossians 2:13-14 says "And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross." So, do I believe it or not? I would say yes, as my brain believes it. But I have to say no, as my heart doesn't get it. My heart needs to get it, and now it's time to seek that out.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Later That Same Day...
Wow, it's a gorgeous, warm, sunny day outside - perfect for a trot - and I have another migraine whacking me. I want to try one of my new running skirts now, when its warm enough, but the afternoon migraines must stop. One of the very few things "they" know for sure about migraines is that physical activities exacerbates them. Besides, try going on a run while someone is cracking you in the noggin with a mallet and your stomach would be happy if you were puking. I am changing my running plans now, so as not to just drop them...I plan to run tomorrow morning and recuperate this evening.
I have less than a pint left of water until success today, I have eaten very well, I spent my lunch time with my Lord, so the stinking migraine is the only thing standing in the way of a great day. Well, its still a great day, just so frustrating. I am tired of my head. Hmm.
There's still the possibility that it will subside by itself, as I've been using my "methods". We shall see.
I have less than a pint left of water until success today, I have eaten very well, I spent my lunch time with my Lord, so the stinking migraine is the only thing standing in the way of a great day. Well, its still a great day, just so frustrating. I am tired of my head. Hmm.
There's still the possibility that it will subside by itself, as I've been using my "methods". We shall see.
Win Some and Lose Some - Get Up & Get Going!
Happy St. Patty's Day! I, being largely of Irish origin, am celebrating by wearing shades of brown & gold. I did button a neon-green Post It into my jacket, though, so as to be officially "okay".
Yesterday held a much tighter schedule than I had figured, and I didn't get to everything. Never fear, j.p. dear, there were successes along with the not-so-much-successes, and we're still on that journey and not at the end of any road. For someone like me, a huge part of this road is learning that its okay when goals aren't met and screw-ups happen. Simply repent and move on toward those goals.
Success with the water! I drank two full quarts from my Kerr, then drank another at dinner. It's so much easier to drink water than I thought. I also chugged three cups for taking supplements. I swear, the more I drink the thirstier I get. Some sources say to count all water intake, but some say not to count diuretics (coffee, tea, sodie pop, etc.) due to their water flushingness counteracting the benefit of intake. So I'll not count those.
I don't expect to be perfect on water intake, or on anything for that matter, but I do expect to keep these goals and work toward them so as to avoid wandering about, accomplishing nothing, and to boost my discipline and health levels in all goal areas.
I didn't have time for a run or for devotionals before or after core group last night, but since core group is a Bible study and since p.j. and I prayed in bed, I will count partial success in the spiritual growth. I did spend time absorbing God's Word and talking to him, but left out the part where He and I sit alone. Rather than regret that lost time, I plan to take advantage of today. As tonight will likely be busy, I will pray during lunch (I eat at other times anyway, so I won't be distracted by chow).
Eating goal partially met yesterday, as I ate healthy and good food all day. However, I had some candy (stupid candy jars around the office!) and excessive dessert. So...forgive thyself, j.p., and think about today. My recent penchant for sweets (I'm a salty gal) tells me that something is bugging me inside, and I need to explore it rather than medicate it with emotional eating. Again, important to sit and listen to God.
I didn't run at either of my goal times. It became obvious there was no room in yesterday's schedule for it, so I said I would run in the morning. I did get my running clothes washed, but it was so late that I was asleep well before they were ready for the dryer (ah, pesky loopholes! I said I would wash my clothes, but didn't say I'd dry them...). Also, p.j. didn't have to be up until late this morning, so I didn't feel like getting up, even if the clothes had been dry. I guess I'm treating him like a running partner, in a way, and am putting too much reliance on that. I need to work on getting up and running in the morning, p.j. or no. So many of my days allow no time for a half hour run and a quick shower, even, so its time I attack the dread early morning and use it to my scheduling benefit. I believe I have copped to my bed addiction, but I have not addressed it further. [Big Sigh...] Now is clearly the time.
When I used to row on Crew in college, I got up at 4:30 every morning in order to be at the lake in time. It was incredibly difficult to get up, but I LOVED busting my arse, sweating in the freezing cold of the still, quiet morning. Discipline. Time to pray to get up and accept no excuse for staying in bed. Okay, so today I will pray for discipline and tomorrow I plan to get up and run early. a.h. will be with us, so it will have to be half hour earlier than when he is not (I take him to school; he can't take the bus due to his dual locations). Oy. Okay, Lord help! Help! Oh, that was a little desperate.
I am also taking steps to be intentional in ministry, stopping with the excuses, and moving on in response to the call. This coincides with all this praying, goal making and striving. It has taken a looooong time, but I'm finally on that road.
Yesterday held a much tighter schedule than I had figured, and I didn't get to everything. Never fear, j.p. dear, there were successes along with the not-so-much-successes, and we're still on that journey and not at the end of any road. For someone like me, a huge part of this road is learning that its okay when goals aren't met and screw-ups happen. Simply repent and move on toward those goals.
Success with the water! I drank two full quarts from my Kerr, then drank another at dinner. It's so much easier to drink water than I thought. I also chugged three cups for taking supplements. I swear, the more I drink the thirstier I get. Some sources say to count all water intake, but some say not to count diuretics (coffee, tea, sodie pop, etc.) due to their water flushingness counteracting the benefit of intake. So I'll not count those.
I don't expect to be perfect on water intake, or on anything for that matter, but I do expect to keep these goals and work toward them so as to avoid wandering about, accomplishing nothing, and to boost my discipline and health levels in all goal areas.
I didn't have time for a run or for devotionals before or after core group last night, but since core group is a Bible study and since p.j. and I prayed in bed, I will count partial success in the spiritual growth. I did spend time absorbing God's Word and talking to him, but left out the part where He and I sit alone. Rather than regret that lost time, I plan to take advantage of today. As tonight will likely be busy, I will pray during lunch (I eat at other times anyway, so I won't be distracted by chow).
Eating goal partially met yesterday, as I ate healthy and good food all day. However, I had some candy (stupid candy jars around the office!) and excessive dessert. So...forgive thyself, j.p., and think about today. My recent penchant for sweets (I'm a salty gal) tells me that something is bugging me inside, and I need to explore it rather than medicate it with emotional eating. Again, important to sit and listen to God.
I didn't run at either of my goal times. It became obvious there was no room in yesterday's schedule for it, so I said I would run in the morning. I did get my running clothes washed, but it was so late that I was asleep well before they were ready for the dryer (ah, pesky loopholes! I said I would wash my clothes, but didn't say I'd dry them...). Also, p.j. didn't have to be up until late this morning, so I didn't feel like getting up, even if the clothes had been dry. I guess I'm treating him like a running partner, in a way, and am putting too much reliance on that. I need to work on getting up and running in the morning, p.j. or no. So many of my days allow no time for a half hour run and a quick shower, even, so its time I attack the dread early morning and use it to my scheduling benefit. I believe I have copped to my bed addiction, but I have not addressed it further. [Big Sigh...] Now is clearly the time.
When I used to row on Crew in college, I got up at 4:30 every morning in order to be at the lake in time. It was incredibly difficult to get up, but I LOVED busting my arse, sweating in the freezing cold of the still, quiet morning. Discipline. Time to pray to get up and accept no excuse for staying in bed. Okay, so today I will pray for discipline and tomorrow I plan to get up and run early. a.h. will be with us, so it will have to be half hour earlier than when he is not (I take him to school; he can't take the bus due to his dual locations). Oy. Okay, Lord help! Help! Oh, that was a little desperate.
I am also taking steps to be intentional in ministry, stopping with the excuses, and moving on in response to the call. This coincides with all this praying, goal making and striving. It has taken a looooong time, but I'm finally on that road.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Goal Checkup!
A revisit of yesterday's goals:
- Running frequency: I planned another run via drop off by p.j. this morning, but realized I had no long running pants or shirts left to wear. That's a potential problem of not planning well in advance, I suppose. I was sad to miss driving out with my man. I still have plenty of time to get in those runs this week, but do not want to put it off. I plan to run tonight (can wear less clothes due to day time warmth!) expediting the process so as to be able to shower and be presentable in time for our core group, or tomorrow morning after washing running clothes tonight. Tonight I plan to wash running clothes.
- Water consumption: I got a full quart in before noon, but didn't get the Kerr refilled because the filtered water is so far away. At least 50 feet. Yeah, I know. At about 6pm I gave up on a migraine battle and took a shot of Imi, which knocked me out for 12 hours, and I wasn't drinking while sleeping. A quart is improvement, though, so today I will concentrate on not being grossly lazy; when the first quart is empty (it's over half way there now), I shall get up and refill it!
- Eating: Throughout the day, I was attentive to what I ate, avoided grazing and had regular sized meals, not going back for seconds. I was fully satisfied and felt pretty good about how it went. Of course, I'm sure that sacking out at 6pm helped out by shortening the day. I'm instantly down 3 of those 5 pounds, so I have to assume it was largely (ha ha) water weight. Today, I will keep up the intentional eating.
- God date: Yesterday I sacked out on the couch from the Imitrex shot, but when p.j. got me up to go to bed, I couldn't go back to sleep. So I got up and chatted with God, read some Bible & study stuff. I felt the reconnect, wow, and I don't want to drop that again. I know He honors my time spent being in His presence. Today we have a tight schedule, so if I don't have time for running and devotions, I will spend time with God and shift the running to tomorrow morning.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Building Success Upon Success
I would like to report a successful natural migraine squelching on Thursday! This migraine had several hours to settle in so I thought I was done for. However, I held off on the Imi shot (was driving, and apparently I shouldn't drive when doped up), had a debit card debacle while trying to get Taco Hell (I know, but my choices on the fly were slim), called and got the problem card fixed and went to Taco Time for veggie burrito & water, and headed straight to class for my back to back Bible studies. I felt terrible when I got there, my fingernails were blue and I knew I would have to excuse myself soon to shoot up the Imi. However, I prayed and relaxed and the migraine waves soon reversed, changing from intensifying to lessening waves. Oh, the glory. Never before have I been so far gone in a migraine and had it reverse without medication. Thank You, Lord!
Saturday morning, I was readying to take my supplements and Topamax when I found I was going to have to cut another pill in 1/4s; that scant amount of extra time was all I needed to decide it was time. Rather than cut the pill, I went off of Topamax completely. I felt like a tight-rope walker without her balancing pole thingy, but a bit giddy and sort of thrilled. So far, no more migraines. At this point, I am having no more migraines than I was having on the Topamax recently, and many less migraines than I was having on Topamax in 2009. I will maintain my current efforts, which are rather simple and easy, and move on to the perception-of-guilt-problem for further resolution. What a journey; you will understand if you are or were a migraineur.
I am also thrilled to report two more runs! Saturday, p.j. went with me for an alternating run/walk. This is saying a bunch, since p.j. pretty much hates running. It was very windy out, which made it difficult. While I appreciate a difficult run, p.j. does not, so I'm not sure if/when I'll be able to get him out there with me again. I had a ball with him though! This morning p.j.'s work schedule was perfect for another on-the-way-to-work drop, so I hitched a ride to the other side of town again. This run was also difficult. I had Nike+ problems, as somehow it stalled two separate times, telling me that activity had stopped. Stopped, my hiney! I was still going, I tell ya...so twice I had to stop, take my Camelbak off (I am a horrendous hydrator unless I Camelbak), get my iPod out and restart the stinking thing. Neither time had it reset the run, but both times it had to "find" my shoe chip thingy before resuming; the net result was less mileage reported than was the actual run. Bummer.
Note that I made my 4/week goal last week, hurrah! This week I am repeating last week's goal, but I will state it more succinctly this time (note that a week is Sun-Sat):
It's time I practice discipline in other areas as well. For my health and safety, it is important that I drink water. I get thirsty and want to drink water, but the filtered water is at the other end of our small building. Once again, lame excuse! I have a Kerr 1 quart jar sitting here in front of me, which I will wrap up in my water goal. I have calculated my water needs using three calculation methods found in a general Google search, the calculations yielding 2.85, 2.92 and 3.78 quarts :
Saturday morning, I was readying to take my supplements and Topamax when I found I was going to have to cut another pill in 1/4s; that scant amount of extra time was all I needed to decide it was time. Rather than cut the pill, I went off of Topamax completely. I felt like a tight-rope walker without her balancing pole thingy, but a bit giddy and sort of thrilled. So far, no more migraines. At this point, I am having no more migraines than I was having on the Topamax recently, and many less migraines than I was having on Topamax in 2009. I will maintain my current efforts, which are rather simple and easy, and move on to the perception-of-guilt-problem for further resolution. What a journey; you will understand if you are or were a migraineur.
I am also thrilled to report two more runs! Saturday, p.j. went with me for an alternating run/walk. This is saying a bunch, since p.j. pretty much hates running. It was very windy out, which made it difficult. While I appreciate a difficult run, p.j. does not, so I'm not sure if/when I'll be able to get him out there with me again. I had a ball with him though! This morning p.j.'s work schedule was perfect for another on-the-way-to-work drop, so I hitched a ride to the other side of town again. This run was also difficult. I had Nike+ problems, as somehow it stalled two separate times, telling me that activity had stopped. Stopped, my hiney! I was still going, I tell ya...so twice I had to stop, take my Camelbak off (I am a horrendous hydrator unless I Camelbak), get my iPod out and restart the stinking thing. Neither time had it reset the run, but both times it had to "find" my shoe chip thingy before resuming; the net result was less mileage reported than was the actual run. Bummer.
Note that I made my 4/week goal last week, hurrah! This week I am repeating last week's goal, but I will state it more succinctly this time (note that a week is Sun-Sat):
- A Goal = Run 4 times this week
- B Goal = Run 3 times this week
It's time I practice discipline in other areas as well. For my health and safety, it is important that I drink water. I get thirsty and want to drink water, but the filtered water is at the other end of our small building. Once again, lame excuse! I have a Kerr 1 quart jar sitting here in front of me, which I will wrap up in my water goal. I have calculated my water needs using three calculation methods found in a general Google search, the calculations yielding 2.85, 2.92 and 3.78 quarts :
- A Goal = 3 quarts of water per day
- B Goal = 2 quarts of water per day to get the habit started
- Water consumption will help address this issue in multiple ways, click here for more information.
- Practice awareness and discipline in all eating and drinking.
- Acknowledge that there's likely an issue at the heart of the mindless eating - I believe I am using it as a pain-killer (emotional eating).
- Address the perception-of-guilt thing, which is likely a root of the eating and of the migraines.
- Pray for the Spirit to help me in all of these goals and make me able to treat my body as glorifies Him.
- Schedule devotion time (prayer, Bible reading, meditation, listening, etc.) and make it every day.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Third Time Really Is a Charm
Ahh, the early bird definitely didn't get stuck with the grody worm today!
Yesterday afternoon I was nailed with a nasty migraine (still not there on prevention - I have another theory that I'm sure will get me lots of mileage...more later) which I tried not to medicate. It grew into the horrible, stinky, awful, nasty, wretched monster with the teeth and claws that reminded me of just why I medicate, so I took a shot of Imitrex, which made me useless. I swear those shots hit me harder now that I'm taking 1/4 of my past dosage of Topamax.
Not being willing to run any less than three times this week, but hoping for a count of four (oh, yep, look there, it seems I just confessed that goal to you), and knowing I have back-to-back classes after work tonight, I figured I should go for an early morning run. Not fully convinced of this, I asked p.j. what time he would be leaving for work in the morning. He replied, "Five-thirty." Oy. Well it would surely give me enough time for a run before shower-time. So I took the plunge and asked him to awaken me in the morning when he got up; that meant getting up at 5 a.m.
At getting-up-time, I asked p.j. to give me 15 more minutes. Dangerous move. He came in again after the 15 and I rolled out of bed, away from that singularly unpleasant dream I was having. Whose brain created that? Anyway, I spent some time confusedly pacing the downstairs looking for some of my gear, but I eventually got it worked out. I got in the Jeep with p.j. and started the drive to work with him; it was a fun little drive. However, I had him drop me off on the other side of town, where I kicked on the Nike+ and ran back home. And boy did it feel wonderful! I had my 30 minutes, but this time I ran 2.85 miles. I guess the bump in distance was due to the "back to the barn" thing.
Just as I arrived at the house, a.h. could be heard hitting the snooze button upstairs. I had beaten him! Until lately, we've had endless hot water, even when both showers are going at once. Recently though, my showers have taken a turn for the cold at the end, after a.h. has been in his shower for 45 minutes or so. I know. But this time I got in way before he did, so I had plenty of hot water. I wonder if he did?
The plan is to keep my runs at 30 minutes for - I don't know - a long time probably. Long enough to be firmly established. I will probably indulge in longer weekend runs, but these short little runs fit nicely into my schedule and leave plenty of heart to long for the next time. In the past, I have always felt the need to constantly increase my distances. The longer distances got in the way of the rest of my schedule and took up time I didn't have, which made me feel...kind of frantic or out of control or something. Being quite competitive by nature, and of course being competitive against myself, it takes the pressure off to know I am just running for 30 minutes. I get to relax and enjoy it. I like it.
I feel that my motivation is building and I have some momentum: Motivatimentum. However, I will do my utmost not to rely on it prematurely, as this glorious and most excellent 3rd outing in no way qualifies running as a habit formed yet. My goal is yet to be intentional, taking nothing for granted. Although I sure am loving what I have been granted.
Yesterday afternoon I was nailed with a nasty migraine (still not there on prevention - I have another theory that I'm sure will get me lots of mileage...more later) which I tried not to medicate. It grew into the horrible, stinky, awful, nasty, wretched monster with the teeth and claws that reminded me of just why I medicate, so I took a shot of Imitrex, which made me useless. I swear those shots hit me harder now that I'm taking 1/4 of my past dosage of Topamax.
Not being willing to run any less than three times this week, but hoping for a count of four (oh, yep, look there, it seems I just confessed that goal to you), and knowing I have back-to-back classes after work tonight, I figured I should go for an early morning run. Not fully convinced of this, I asked p.j. what time he would be leaving for work in the morning. He replied, "Five-thirty." Oy. Well it would surely give me enough time for a run before shower-time. So I took the plunge and asked him to awaken me in the morning when he got up; that meant getting up at 5 a.m.
At getting-up-time, I asked p.j. to give me 15 more minutes. Dangerous move. He came in again after the 15 and I rolled out of bed, away from that singularly unpleasant dream I was having. Whose brain created that? Anyway, I spent some time confusedly pacing the downstairs looking for some of my gear, but I eventually got it worked out. I got in the Jeep with p.j. and started the drive to work with him; it was a fun little drive. However, I had him drop me off on the other side of town, where I kicked on the Nike+ and ran back home. And boy did it feel wonderful! I had my 30 minutes, but this time I ran 2.85 miles. I guess the bump in distance was due to the "back to the barn" thing.
Just as I arrived at the house, a.h. could be heard hitting the snooze button upstairs. I had beaten him! Until lately, we've had endless hot water, even when both showers are going at once. Recently though, my showers have taken a turn for the cold at the end, after a.h. has been in his shower for 45 minutes or so. I know. But this time I got in way before he did, so I had plenty of hot water. I wonder if he did?
The plan is to keep my runs at 30 minutes for - I don't know - a long time probably. Long enough to be firmly established. I will probably indulge in longer weekend runs, but these short little runs fit nicely into my schedule and leave plenty of heart to long for the next time. In the past, I have always felt the need to constantly increase my distances. The longer distances got in the way of the rest of my schedule and took up time I didn't have, which made me feel...kind of frantic or out of control or something. Being quite competitive by nature, and of course being competitive against myself, it takes the pressure off to know I am just running for 30 minutes. I get to relax and enjoy it. I like it.
I feel that my motivation is building and I have some momentum: Motivatimentum. However, I will do my utmost not to rely on it prematurely, as this glorious and most excellent 3rd outing in no way qualifies running as a habit formed yet. My goal is yet to be intentional, taking nothing for granted. Although I sure am loving what I have been granted.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Rainy Day, Squelched Migraine and...Yep, a Run!
I did it again! Thank you for being my accountability partner.
During the work day I felt a migraine coming on. Exercise exacerbates migraines, plus just try being able to exercise if you get significant migraines. (Good luck.) I'm not supposed to exercise on the medication, so I didn't medicate, but I worried. I also took action. I ate, as blood sugar ups and downs has been linked to migraine. My 1/2 PB & J seemed to make it worse (peanuts, oops), so I stayed as calm as possible and drank a pint of water, ate some strawberries & hard boiled eggs, and took 3 ibuprofen and prayed that God would take the headache away. In the past, ibuprofen has instantly manifested a flirtatious migraine, but I am doing things differently now (vitamins, etc.), so I figured it was worth trying for a different outcome. If taken early enough, the anti-inflammatory can work on the expanding blood vessel in the bean to keep it from blowing out. God be praised, the oncoming migraine actually went away!
As I drove home, I worried a bit about the very rainy, gray day. It's hard for me to get out of the house once I step into it after work, but a rainy or gray day (compounded if it's rainy and gray) amplifies the cozy calling of the post-work house. About half way home, I became the detested driving telephoner and called p.j. (making him another D.D.T.), asked about his day and then...yep, I reported my running plans to him, too. I also confessed my worries about getting back out of the house. He encouraged me and asked, "Didn't you used to run in the rain all the time back in Eugene?" Yes, yes I did. And although I generally hate the rain, the one time I love to be out in it is for a run. So I was intentional in my thinking all the way home (30 minute drive), planning how I would avoid my cute and fuzzy cat (who would be calling me to pajamas & cuddling time) and head straight for the running gear.
I stayed focused and got my bum out the door! a.h. looked up in surprise as I stepped out the door and called to him, "See you later." He asked where I was going. I guess I've been so far from the running scene that my running gear didn't tip him off.
The run was very difficult. I had to focus on form and breathing quite a bit, and boy did I earn that 30 minutes. As I was starting my last 5 minutes (thank you, Nike+ for reporting this to me and helping my sanity), I said to myself, "This is what makes people tough," and I really felt like I was working out something in my character that I hadn't approached in a long time. Although I was taxing my out of shape body, I was having a hard time suppressing a huge (stupid feeling) smile, feeling the wonderful thing I was doing for my mind, my body and - for the first time ever - I felt what I was growing in my spirit. Perseverance. Pushing through the hard times even when they hurt. Hanging in there and seeing the hard job through. Finding joy and peace in the hard times. Self-discipline, I got out there and will get out there again, remembering that the good thing often doesn't feel the best.
Oh, I should mention that my pace was 8 seconds per mile faster than Saturday's. I am putting my iPod in my pocket so as not to drive myself batty looking at my running information. I just want the end results at this point, so I wasn't able to see I could have kicked it down a notch. But that's alright by me.
When I returned home, p.j. was there. I came in the house and started stripping off my wet outer gear, shoes, iPod, etc. and stretching. I told him, "This is why people do this. That was really hard work." And instantly my words from Saturday echoed in my ears. Saturday's run had felt great and the sun had been shining. After my run I had said, "This is why people do this, this feels great!" Funny. In all my running in the past, I had never actualized that thought: Either way, good running day or bad, you're getting the best of it so long as you get out there. Down with superstitious thoughts/feelings about good runs being the goal.
p.j.'s reply? "You know what you're doing, right? You're motivating me to want to get out there and run." For someone who kind of hates running, that's not so bad.
During the work day I felt a migraine coming on. Exercise exacerbates migraines, plus just try being able to exercise if you get significant migraines. (Good luck.) I'm not supposed to exercise on the medication, so I didn't medicate, but I worried. I also took action. I ate, as blood sugar ups and downs has been linked to migraine. My 1/2 PB & J seemed to make it worse (peanuts, oops), so I stayed as calm as possible and drank a pint of water, ate some strawberries & hard boiled eggs, and took 3 ibuprofen and prayed that God would take the headache away. In the past, ibuprofen has instantly manifested a flirtatious migraine, but I am doing things differently now (vitamins, etc.), so I figured it was worth trying for a different outcome. If taken early enough, the anti-inflammatory can work on the expanding blood vessel in the bean to keep it from blowing out. God be praised, the oncoming migraine actually went away!
As I drove home, I worried a bit about the very rainy, gray day. It's hard for me to get out of the house once I step into it after work, but a rainy or gray day (compounded if it's rainy and gray) amplifies the cozy calling of the post-work house. About half way home, I became the detested driving telephoner and called p.j. (making him another D.D.T.), asked about his day and then...yep, I reported my running plans to him, too. I also confessed my worries about getting back out of the house. He encouraged me and asked, "Didn't you used to run in the rain all the time back in Eugene?" Yes, yes I did. And although I generally hate the rain, the one time I love to be out in it is for a run. So I was intentional in my thinking all the way home (30 minute drive), planning how I would avoid my cute and fuzzy cat (who would be calling me to pajamas & cuddling time) and head straight for the running gear.
I stayed focused and got my bum out the door! a.h. looked up in surprise as I stepped out the door and called to him, "See you later." He asked where I was going. I guess I've been so far from the running scene that my running gear didn't tip him off.
The run was very difficult. I had to focus on form and breathing quite a bit, and boy did I earn that 30 minutes. As I was starting my last 5 minutes (thank you, Nike+ for reporting this to me and helping my sanity), I said to myself, "This is what makes people tough," and I really felt like I was working out something in my character that I hadn't approached in a long time. Although I was taxing my out of shape body, I was having a hard time suppressing a huge (stupid feeling) smile, feeling the wonderful thing I was doing for my mind, my body and - for the first time ever - I felt what I was growing in my spirit. Perseverance. Pushing through the hard times even when they hurt. Hanging in there and seeing the hard job through. Finding joy and peace in the hard times. Self-discipline, I got out there and will get out there again, remembering that the good thing often doesn't feel the best.
Oh, I should mention that my pace was 8 seconds per mile faster than Saturday's. I am putting my iPod in my pocket so as not to drive myself batty looking at my running information. I just want the end results at this point, so I wasn't able to see I could have kicked it down a notch. But that's alright by me.
When I returned home, p.j. was there. I came in the house and started stripping off my wet outer gear, shoes, iPod, etc. and stretching. I told him, "This is why people do this. That was really hard work." And instantly my words from Saturday echoed in my ears. Saturday's run had felt great and the sun had been shining. After my run I had said, "This is why people do this, this feels great!" Funny. In all my running in the past, I had never actualized that thought: Either way, good running day or bad, you're getting the best of it so long as you get out there. Down with superstitious thoughts/feelings about good runs being the goal.
p.j.'s reply? "You know what you're doing, right? You're motivating me to want to get out there and run." For someone who kind of hates running, that's not so bad.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Success!
I did it. I ran!
Friday I emailed my friend and told her I was planning a morning run. I also told my husband. And, of course, I told you. Friday I planned out Saturday's schedule, set my alarm (yes, a weekend alarm) and watched my bedtime. I also gathered up my running gear and put it all in one stack in my closet so I wouldn't have to think in the morning.
Saturday, I obeyed my alarm. I awoke pretty excited, actually. I got dressed, didn't eat (oh well), didn't drink (oops), and hit the road for a lovely first run. I stuck to 30 minutes so as to leave excitement for the next run and to take it easy on the ole body, and it was great. The first half, I was unstoppable. The second half, I was flagging, but presence of mind caused me to straighten up, mind my form and breathing and remember than I could start walking whenever it pleased me. The form reminder was all I needed to freshen up, and it didn't please me to walk so I didn't. I got to wear my new jacket (what a fantastic jacket!) and pants, as it was too cold for the skirts. I remembered gloves but forgot a hat, so all was quite comfy except for my poor ears, which were quite painful. I ran 2.6 miles. I am happy to be alive with working limbs.
Sunday I reverted to the passive running plan, wherein I told nobody and neither did I actually plan a time for it. I was sure I would "get around to it", but - long story short - I did not. This morning I passively hoped to get up for a run. I again told nobody about my plan, didn't get to bed in time last night and didn't set my alarm for the proper time.
Lessons:
So how are you? I am planning to run tonight after work. (Check)
And now, after work the first thing on my list is a run. (Check)
I've found another lame excuse that knocks my runs to "more convenient" places in my schedule, which means it knocks them right out: The Post Run Shower. I have felt that showers must take place either first thing in the morning, as part of the morning readying ritual, or last thing at night, as part of the going to bed process. Let me actualize, right here, what a stupid excuse this is! Why can't I take a shower in the middle of the day, in the middle of the evening, or at any other time? If I end up having to go somewhere, I can simply do low maintenance preparations -oh yes, yes I can! Shower Excuse, you've just been KOed.
Tonight I plan to run.
Friday I emailed my friend and told her I was planning a morning run. I also told my husband. And, of course, I told you. Friday I planned out Saturday's schedule, set my alarm (yes, a weekend alarm) and watched my bedtime. I also gathered up my running gear and put it all in one stack in my closet so I wouldn't have to think in the morning.
Saturday, I obeyed my alarm. I awoke pretty excited, actually. I got dressed, didn't eat (oh well), didn't drink (oops), and hit the road for a lovely first run. I stuck to 30 minutes so as to leave excitement for the next run and to take it easy on the ole body, and it was great. The first half, I was unstoppable. The second half, I was flagging, but presence of mind caused me to straighten up, mind my form and breathing and remember than I could start walking whenever it pleased me. The form reminder was all I needed to freshen up, and it didn't please me to walk so I didn't. I got to wear my new jacket (what a fantastic jacket!) and pants, as it was too cold for the skirts. I remembered gloves but forgot a hat, so all was quite comfy except for my poor ears, which were quite painful. I ran 2.6 miles. I am happy to be alive with working limbs.
Sunday I reverted to the passive running plan, wherein I told nobody and neither did I actually plan a time for it. I was sure I would "get around to it", but - long story short - I did not. This morning I passively hoped to get up for a run. I again told nobody about my plan, didn't get to bed in time last night and didn't set my alarm for the proper time.
Lessons:
- Poor planning or no planning = no execution!
- Scheduling, preparation and accountability seem to be excellent things in the viability of a run.
So how are you? I am planning to run tonight after work. (Check)
And now, after work the first thing on my list is a run. (Check)
I've found another lame excuse that knocks my runs to "more convenient" places in my schedule, which means it knocks them right out: The Post Run Shower. I have felt that showers must take place either first thing in the morning, as part of the morning readying ritual, or last thing at night, as part of the going to bed process. Let me actualize, right here, what a stupid excuse this is! Why can't I take a shower in the middle of the day, in the middle of the evening, or at any other time? If I end up having to go somewhere, I can simply do low maintenance preparations -oh yes, yes I can! Shower Excuse, you've just been KOed.
Tonight I plan to run.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tickets, Hotels & Rental Cars. Oh, and Maybe a Run.
p.j. & I are going on a short trip at the end of May. We are going for a little bit of business and a little bit of pleasure. Yep, p.j. scheduled his vas reversal the other day. His doctor is in Texas, so we'll be heading down there for several days, with a day and a half up front for toodling around and then...ahem, on to "business".
Eighty-two days until surgery and 97 days until possibilities open up. So while we aren't guaranteed to ever have kids, we are now guaranteed less than 100 days of knowing we will not have kids. For now. Which means that while its highly unlikely, we could conceive in 100 days so I need to get ready.
Things to do before 97 days are up in order to be ready for the possibility of pregnancy:
Eighty-two days until surgery and 97 days until possibilities open up. So while we aren't guaranteed to ever have kids, we are now guaranteed less than 100 days of knowing we will not have kids. For now. Which means that while its highly unlikely, we could conceive in 100 days so I need to get ready.
Things to do before 97 days are up in order to be ready for the possibility of pregnancy:
- Be tapered completely off of Topamax (should be easy)
- Have B-complex + folic acid supplementation established, the B-complex for migraine prevention and the folic acid for proper baby cell division (need to do ASAP, meant to have started by now)
- Have vitamin E supplementation established for migraine prevention (can do it now)
- START RUNNING REGULARLY!!!
- Visit the doc and let her tell me how old I am for having kids - I mean, let her tell me what I can do to aid in fertility and reproductive health
- Today = I have two classes, back to back, right after work. No running.
- Friday = Tomorrow we have a seminar (parenting, ha!) after work. No running.
- Saturday = Sewing group at 10 am (yeah, yuk it up), church at 6 pm and a get together after church. 7:30 am run on Saturday.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Secret Plans of Failure
I'm doing it. I'm stepping off the Topamax wagon. Friday night I did decrease to 25 mg Topamax doses as planned, keeping up on the 2000mg vitamin D supplementation. I've been doing 25 mg twice a day, and I realize now I think I was supposed to start with only moving one of my daily doses down to 25 mg, but...eh. I have just learned from my dear dad-in-law that vitamin E is also recommended for migraine sufferers, and in my vitamin E research I have found that B complex is also. As I am starting on Folic Acid with B complex anyway (will let you know when), the latter is covered. This will be an interesting discovery period.
I have truly had an abundance of energy this weekend; I can already tell the difference. Now, I won't promise it's not all in my head, but Topamax half-life is 21 hours, so it makes sense that I would feel the difference. It is as if I have risen out of a fog - into a lighter fog. It's pretty wonderful. I did have a migraine yesterday and had to medicate with Imitrex - and boy did the Imi knock me for a loop this time - but I guess my body needs to adjust to the new levels (I hope that's all). And it's not like I didn't get plenty of migraines while on Topamax anyway. I didn't have migraines Saturday or Sunday.
So have I run yet? No. I honestly thought I would be reporting something different in this blog today. Saturday morning I secretly planned a run before we celebrated our friend's birthday (sushi lunch, ahhhhh!), but I awoke starving. When I'm even mildly in shape, I don't mind running hungry. Sure it's harder, but I'd rather just get out there and do it. However, when I'm out of shape, there isn't much more miserable/discouraging than running on empty. As our pantry doesn't look like most pantries in this century (therefore nothing quick was available), I was going to cook an egg or so, rest on it for a bit, then hit it. But turning the "getting out the door" process into something so high-maintenance made me realize it was looking like less of a reality. Especially since my husband and I were having such great "conversation", which delayed getting up until quite late and I had to jump in the shower to get ready for lunch (which was in the next town). After our friend's birthday celebration we went to church (we go to Saturday night service to avoid the crush of the Sunday a.m. services as well as to avoid getting up and rolling weekend mornings), then we had to eat, and then and then and then...it was too late. Sunday held different activities, but was patterned the same.
So what can be learned from this? Several key things.
Another thing, I've set my alarm for 6 a.m. Monday & Tuesday mornings, but have snoozed it to death! Must pray for some stinking self-discipline and less love for that bed of laziness.
I have truly had an abundance of energy this weekend; I can already tell the difference. Now, I won't promise it's not all in my head, but Topamax half-life is 21 hours, so it makes sense that I would feel the difference. It is as if I have risen out of a fog - into a lighter fog. It's pretty wonderful. I did have a migraine yesterday and had to medicate with Imitrex - and boy did the Imi knock me for a loop this time - but I guess my body needs to adjust to the new levels (I hope that's all). And it's not like I didn't get plenty of migraines while on Topamax anyway. I didn't have migraines Saturday or Sunday.
So have I run yet? No. I honestly thought I would be reporting something different in this blog today. Saturday morning I secretly planned a run before we celebrated our friend's birthday (sushi lunch, ahhhhh!), but I awoke starving. When I'm even mildly in shape, I don't mind running hungry. Sure it's harder, but I'd rather just get out there and do it. However, when I'm out of shape, there isn't much more miserable/discouraging than running on empty. As our pantry doesn't look like most pantries in this century (therefore nothing quick was available), I was going to cook an egg or so, rest on it for a bit, then hit it. But turning the "getting out the door" process into something so high-maintenance made me realize it was looking like less of a reality. Especially since my husband and I were having such great "conversation", which delayed getting up until quite late and I had to jump in the shower to get ready for lunch (which was in the next town). After our friend's birthday celebration we went to church (we go to Saturday night service to avoid the crush of the Sunday a.m. services as well as to avoid getting up and rolling weekend mornings), then we had to eat, and then and then and then...it was too late. Sunday held different activities, but was patterned the same.
So what can be learned from this? Several key things.
- Why did I secretly plan my runs this weekend? Because I assumed I would fail and I preferred my failure to be secret as well. Tsk tsk. By not telling p.j. what I planned/hoped to do, he couldn't help me to succeed, and he loves to help me to succeed. He already knows about my struggle and doesn't judge me, I need to ignore the lie that he will judge me if I report to him as an act of accountability, whether or not I succeed that particular time. (And if he does secretly judge me, so what? He can still help me.)
- My days lack structure, and due to this I lose valuable time between activities. I need to begin asking God to show me how and give me the strength and ability to make a good daily structure (hate to say schedule - my family would hate me). Every time I have accomplished this in my own strength, I have been super-schedule-nazi for awhile, then I just crash and burn. I need God's grace and hand on this.
Another thing, I've set my alarm for 6 a.m. Monday & Tuesday mornings, but have snoozed it to death! Must pray for some stinking self-discipline and less love for that bed of laziness.
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